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I'm not making this up. I have some of this self-styled "redemption on a stick." Friend gave it to me. The friendly packaging proclaims:

Handy salvation for the sinner on the go!

"Monk's special reserve"

ANOINTMENT OINTMENT

Cheap red wine flavor

For liars, cheaters & wrong-doers

Moisturizes as it sooths GUILTY conscience

Directions for use:

  1. Engage stick
  2. Bow head
  3. Reflect upon wrong-doing
  4. Anoint thy lips with blessed balm
  5. Rub lips together to boost powerful sin-purging action
  6. Raise head and go forth cleansed from sin and ready to do-it-again
WARNING: Re-apply balm frequently especially during prolonged sin exposure

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