While I'm certainly not above agreeing to disagree, I find the notion of a backup in love simply disturbing. How can you really consider yourself involved with someone if you are busy looking over your shoulder? Perhaps it is more worth evaluating how it is that you know that love of your life so little that they can transform into the Ex from Hell without a moment's notice?

It seems that this opposes the entire notion of love, IMHO. I can see the desire to protect yourself from heartbreak, I'm familiar with it and certainly don't blame anyone else for wanting to avoid pain. However, if this is a primary element of your relationship, perhaps you should examine why you are in a relationship with this person in the first place, instead of keeping someone else handy to boost your soon-to-be-deflated ego.

Perhaps this falls into the realm of other things I've never really understood, like people who seem feel they must be dating someone else at all times to be whole. Again, just my opinion, but I think healthy relationships start with yourself, not with self-completion from outside. The notion of a 'love backup' seems like just another way of avoiding taking a long look in the mirror and thinking about what you see.

I'm not digging on anyone else, just stating my opinion. If you are really happy with a system like this, than far be it from me to tell you otherwise. I've never been a fan of casual relationship either, but that doesn't mean I place judgement on people who are. However, if such defense measures are required, perhaps something else is wrong, in a greater and deeper way than just another ex in the can..

Hmm. I just finished this as the last showed up, so.. nevertheless..

There is a military adage used when calculating an opponent's intentions: "capability implies intent." As a sysadmin, mechanic, carpenter, or skydiver, if you're at all sane, you'll plan for equipment failure.

I keep a pair of MRE's in my trunk, with road flares, stout rope, jumper cables, and some other stuff that might not belong there, if I should ever get in an accident. So, yes, I technically have a backup. But the word "always", well... all generalizations are bad.

Have a backup when you're charging an enemy foxhole. Have a backup when you pick a restaurant on Friday and you haven't made reservations. Have a backup when you're planning an elaborate prank. But love? No way.

Love is about trust. The risk of terrible heartache is what makes love sweet. It's what makes a passionate kiss more than a peck, what makes spontaneous road trips so fun. It's about living in the moment, enjoying what you have, and not thinking about what you will have or what you might not have.

I had a backup. We said that if we turned 30 and hadn't married anyone else, we'd go ahead and get hitched. It turns out that she didn't know the first thing about trust; I caught her reading my journal, and ever since, well... that's not the kind of friend I keep. The girl I ended up with instead--the one I almost didn't get together with--has been my best friend, my lover, and all the backup I need, for the last three years.1

1. Node for the ages caveat : we're married now.

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