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A fable from The Book of Yelps and Growls translated circa 1790 by the Count Florian von Banier


Audrey and the Elephant

in the early days of the afternoon of the time when people were pretty, i ran into two travellers on the dirt road behind my house. there was a beautiful girl, only 14 years old. her name was audrey. she was travelling with a very large elephant whose name was bosch.

one day audrey and the elephant went walking through an animal exhibition and came across the prettiest fairnesses they had ever seen. the fairnesses were glowing white and small and beautiful, like angel's wingless children. the elephant asked the first fairness would it like a cup of tea but the fairness could not respond because fairnesses cannot speak they can only produce smiles as wide as their faces and hope that you understand exactly what it is that they want to say, what it is that they want you to say. the elephant understood and he translated the message for audrey: "two cups of oolong top grade tea, please, in the name of the humor of our benedicted saint valentine". audrey of course complied most graciously and she made the most wonderful cup of tea ever and the biscuits were sweet and nutricious at once. there was enough tea for all the fairnesses, because the fairnesses were quite small.

after the tea, the merchants came to the animal exhibition and they were all upset at each other for having stolen each other's money and then stealing it back. this made audrey frown. the fairnesses walked over to the merchants' table and grew to a great size. they became so huge that the commerce ceased in existence forever. at this the merchants all cheered for their perpetual bondage was no longer perpetual. only one merchant was upset. he cried. he was the richest man in the world and he had no family, even his brother had died, committing a violent suicide in the Black Forest.

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