display | more...

- A fable from The Book of Yelps and Growls, translated by the Count Florian von Banier. See also, The Red Sea Fable.

The Red Sea and Time Fable

There was a time, and this was before time was measured chronologically so I can't be sure exactly when it was, but I do know that it was, there was a time when the two brothers Cronos and Sodomy walked loathefully through the arid lands of Canaan, which was the chosen land of Yahwey before Y'shua beat him at a walking contest after which Yahwey developed great affection for the Israelites.

Cronos and Sodomy were not only brothers but also best friends. Cronos was a wiser drunk than his brother because he drank with more vigor, intensity and milk thistle, which is of course easier on the stomach.

One day Yahwey played a trick on Sodomy. He led him to the edge of a great lake with the sweet and fragrant aromas of myrrh, candelabra, and logos. At the edge of the great lake was laid out a copious banquet of the finest meats and cheeses, all covered in the most delicious red tomato sauce. At the same time Yahwey brought Cronos to the banquet with promises of the greatest drinking contest in the history of religion. Animals came from all over the universe to gamble on the competition, and the Egyptian tut was master of ceremonies, whereas the camel had bestowed this honor upon him because he placed the largest bet, having wagered five quizma virtues that Cronos would win the contest. Well, of course Cronos won, and quickly so. But the trick had yet to be played out. And as the celebrants celebrated, Sodomy grew red in complexion. Not only was he nauseous from the five caraffes of Greek red wine, but the tomato sauce was boiling in his intestines. In the next moment, Sodomy vomitted out into the great lake, so sick was he that he could not hold his insides inside, so they spilled forth into the corporeal world, specifically into the great lake which was becoming more and more red in color. Sodomy did not finish effluviating until the entire lake was a Red Sea in which all the mermaids lost their lives as well as their womanly bloods.

Cronos is to this day counting out dead mermaids in the Red Sea so as to determine the proper reperations to be made for his brother's stomach turning, and with each mermaid he counts, our clocks tick forward one second.

Let us pray with our hands and our lips, then, to the prankster Yahwey that the supply of mermaids is infinite for if Cronos stops counting, time will stop again, and our hearts will be frozen and we will die, though my love for you is yet such a raging fire that will fight against that cold cold freeze.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.