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Friend Behr's ascent to the American throne is now possible. He has taken total possession of me, a good old country doctor (discredited), and I was born here and I am in my sixties. So, I can run for president and allow the scion of Hades to attain power, even beyond the hallowed halls of the great everything2.com brand website.

Hi, I'm Dr. Peter Swilling. I will one day HAVE your ass. I will HAVE it. You get me? DO YOU? Small-testicled freak. Ick.

Do you have ANY idea what I would do with your ass if I HAD it? I mean, if I absolutely HAD it? Come on. Use your imagination. I will. You can be sure of that. I'm serious.

Today in the news we have a number of events. Very confusing. Very multi-faceted. We'll put the news aside. You can tune into "cable" for that. Do you have cable? Tell me about it. Over coffee. $80 for an hourly session. Coffee is extra. I ask you kick in a buck if you use my office coffee maker to get coffee for yourself. My office is in my home. The coffee maker is in the guest bathroom. Thank you for your service.

You know what interests me? Microscopic fish that grow larger slowly over time. I would love to shove an absolute shitload of these into your ears while you are sleeping. You. Yes, you. Right in there. Let them grow. Slowly. Over time. Over time. Microscopic fishes. Good... stuff. BEHR IS TAKING CONTROL ASSERTING POWER MUST FIGHT RETAIN HAMILTON I USED THE WRONG WORD THERE.

A need a milkshake. I don't know if you know what a milkshake is or not, but have one, you putz. Fucking haggard putz. That is what YOU are. I am wonderful. Sit down with me and have a cup of coffee. Just one. I will charge you for a full hour, but at least you won't feel PRESSURED TO STAY ALONE IN A ROOM WITH ME longer than it takes you to drink my coffee, which you kicked in a buck for. Stay seated. Learn. From me. I won't caulk you to the FUCKING CHAIR YOU ASSHOLE. I won't caulk you to it AT ALL.

Thank you for your service.

Why not call me? On the phone. Pick up an extension. Do you remember when we had REAL PHONES and not HANDHELD FUCKING BULLSHIT DEVICES? DO YOU REMEMBER? Tell me about it over coffee. Sliding scale. Personally I cannot stand this MODERN DAY BULLSHIT. Things were perfect for everyone in the 1970s. Everyone's life was RIGHT. Why can't we go back to that? Why can't we go back to that now?

I am a professional psychiatrist. Call me for a discounted appointment. For everything2.com noders only. I was telling people about this at last weekend's Nodermeet. $80 per session. Sliding scale. Coffee maker in bathroom if you kick in a buck. Call me. I have a secretary. I have limited parking. Please come early. You will have to drive around the neighborhood a few times. Maybe bring a friend with to talk to in the car while driving around the neighborhood a few times. Okay?

This is where I stand.

If there is an issue, I am over HERE on it. Someone else may be over THERE on it. I don't care for that. I want them HERE on it. This is why I own a gun. The safety is off, but it is in a police lock-up. Wait. I don't own a gun. That must be FRIEND BEHR IN MY HEAD AGAIN.

Wow. Red shirt.

Medically yours,

Dr. Peter Swilling, aka The Dominator

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