I don't know if anyone here remembers my embarrassingly pretentious daylogs from when I first emerged into E2, but I want to apologize for them. I was in a place of obsession with Christianity and it turned me into an asshole. I'm sorry to everyone who had to see that. I think I'm doing better now both ideologically and morally, I hope, less Christian, less dogmatic, more open to other ideas, less obsessed with always finding and doing the absolute most correct thing.
Still working on the goddamn Pokemon TCG writeup that I've had drafted since last July. A nauseating sense of tension, urgency, and stress boils inside me when I think about it. I need to sit down for a few hours and pound it out. It can't be that difficult. But the longer I go without working on it, more sets are getting released, which means the amount of work increases. I visit E2 a lot less than I used to just because reading stuff on here makes me think about the writeup.
I keep biting little bits of skin off my lower lip. My mouth tastes like blood and salt.
Sleep is worse than it was a year ago, still trying meds, still playing the waiting game, waiting for the right medication. Just off the top of my head I can think of 15 medications I've tried, so the number is probably much higher because I doubt I remember them all. I'm tired of being tired, honestly, so sick of it. I can't think clearly because I go to bed at 12 and fall asleep at 3:30 AM and wake up at noon, feel zonked all day.
But yeah. I love my latin professor but I think he might think I'm a know-it-all type of guy because I always answer his questions. I hope to leave a good impression throughout the semester just by submitting excellent homework. I struck up a brief conversation with a guy in my class, I think his name is Lake (it sounds like Blake but it's not Blake.) I like to think I'm a snappy dresser, but I was wearing a short-sleeved tee because it was over 100 degrees outside, and this guy is wearing slacks and a long-sleeve buttondown. That's immense commitment to aesthetic.
A mosquito landed on my monitor just now and I wasn't able to kill it. I reckon it will bite me tonight at some point. There's a lacewing hanging out on my blinds. I like lacewings.
I've spent almost $200 on so many stupid ancient rome coins this past week. auction after auction after auction, I figured I would only win a few, and I win most of them. I hope to make the money back but if I don't I am simply screwed. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
My reading list grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and I need to read the goddamn books if I want to complete my "Age by age" reading challenge but I don't read them because I'm so tired all the time, and then I fall behind, and then I stress out, ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. It doesn't help that Nietzsche and Aquinas are my books of choice, but I hope to read Euripides' Bacchae in a couple of days because it looks like very light reading. I reckon I can read a couple of his other plays.
I bought some rocks, rose quartz, amethyst, bloodstone, moonstone. I'm not remotely superstitious and I've always thought that healing crystals were a bit silly (placebo + confirmation bias), but I figure I might as well put my money where my mouth is. I bought a piece of howlite and the one that was sent to me was half the size of the one in the picture, I left a bad review and the seller sent me an angry message so I raised my review to three stars because I don't want someone to have it out for me, I guess, since she knows my real name and address.
Feeling a little tired right now, might as well see if I can somehow fall asleep. If anyone reads this, thanks. lol.