Choco Donuts are part of the "
OOPS!" line of
Captain Crunch cereals which are marketed as supposedly having been 'accidentally' manufactured by the
Quaker Oats Company. We, the cereal-buying public are apparently supposed to believe that due to some crazy mishap at the factory, new cereals get created sometimes and the head brass just say "Eh! Fuck it!" and run with it.
The first cereal in the "OOPS!" line was 'OOPS! All Crunchberries'. I suppose it's pretty easy to picture a machine jamming up somewhere, filling cereal boxes with nothing but delicious crunchberries by accident. Nobody with any sense likes that yellow brick shit anyway.
But then came "OOPS! Choco Donuts".
The Choco Donut genesis fable is much thinner than that of the Crunchberry. The back of the box displays a chocolate river that the Cap'n ran into on one of his misadventures. I'm not exactly certain how this developed into a cereal produced by Quaker Oats, but apparently somehow it did. Additional explanations are not provided.
On the back of the box, there is a large sign that states:
It's a Choco Donuts World!
Choco Donuts Got Their
Great New Taste Sailing Up
Chocolate Rapid and
Through Sprinkle Falls!
Right.
So, are Choco Donuts sentient now? Why are they sailing up the rapids? How do they propel themselves? Do they spawn like salmon, and if not, what is their motivation?
And Jesus Christ, when are all these manufacturing errors going to stop? I'm not sure I can trust a company that produces incorrect cereal and does not seek out measures to prevent such mistakes from occurring in the future.
Look, a rat got caught in machine #3. I have an idea! New cereal! It's called "Oops! Rat Heads". But actually, we need to do something about this rat problem we have. New cereal! It's called "Oops! Arsenic and Rat Heads"
Shit! Now we're out of cereal.
I've got it! How about "Oops! No Fucking Cereal for you, LOSER"
Hi There!