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Oh, goodness. I have been embarassed before but never in quite the way I was last night. I have never had a more awkward dining experience at a movie theater.

Key word, "Dining". The movie theater in my hometown has introduced an Upscale experience to movie theater attendance. You speak to a waiter! They bring you your food!

They have to bring the tray of food...by moving in front of you...while the movie is going...which means they either have to block your view OR, and this was the awkward part, they have to kneel. In front of you.

I was desperate to be as polite to them as possible because the entire situation made me feel like some imperious enthroned layabout who makes their servants bow before them. "What is this? My wine is not chilled! Begone from my sight, worm! Begone forever, or I shall set the dogs upon you!"

The movie was wonderful. The food itself was wonderful. It took a couple tries to get my dad's order right because the servant had to -- excuse me, the WAITER had to whisper, because the movie was beginning while they were taking our decrees -- excuse me, our orders -- I mean our directions -- I mean -- Oh, dash it all! They should have had dumbwaiters or something! No, I mean the little elevators that bring you your food not -- I'm not saying the servants were -- I mean the waiters were -- ARGH!

I mean. They really should have allowed us to order our food with touch screens, and changed the seating arrangement to allow our WONDERFUL FOOD BRINGERS to deliver the plates in a manner that avoided getting in front of the screen. As it was, the theater is flat seating as opposed to stadium, so perhaps the arrangement would work better with stadium seating? And such an arrangement would imply a large number of people, far more than could afford our dining experience -- hell, even I couldn't afford it. My dad was paying.

This is a theater that has changed hands at least three times. I have no doubt that the Cinépolis business model of Upscale Movie Dining will prove less than profitable, and a new theater chain will have purchased the venue by next year. It's hard to run a business by depending on high prices in a bad economy unless you have a stable set of wealthy clients.

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