"You already know
I know, don't you?" I asked.
"It's okay, you don't have to talk
about it if you don't want to. I figure if you didn't mention it earlier, you just wanted to tell us on your own schedule."
"I'm still not quite sure what you're talking about
. It's not like I tell you guys everything
about my life."
"Well, some things are just too easy to find," I said. "Especially if you put it in plain sight on the internet
"Ha, that? Are you stalking me now?
Not that I mind. It's not like we don't already know
"Some things are hard to resist
sometimes, especially given how easy technology has made things
"Okay you got me. But how much did you really get
, I wonder."
"The most basic stuff was easy to find, but I'm not sure I want to tell you everything or if you would even believe what I told you
"No, I don't mind, considering it's you
"Well that's good to hear then. Is there anything you wanted
to talk to us about?" I asked.
"Nothing in particular I guess. If it's public, there's a reason I made it public. I guess it's more a matter of whether you or anyone else would bother looking
"Is that supposed to be a good thing
if we do?"
"I wouldn't have uploaded it if I didn't expect anyone to find it. Maybe it just says more about the people who go looking for it."
"What do you think it says about us then?"
"For you, it's all good, but only because it's you
. I guess we all have a certain level of comfort around each other now that there's no real element of fear for me."
"That's good to hear," I said. "We weren't sure how you would react. I could only hint at it and hope
you didn't find us crossing lines."
"It's alright, really. I'm glad we can talk about it, not that I think there's much to talk about."
"What do you mean there's nothing to talk about? I think there's so much, and so many questions that need answering
"Maybe the answers to those questions won't be as impressive as you expect. Maybe it won't make much of a difference if we talk or not."
"What if we just want to satisfy our own curiosity
," I said. "Find out what's really going on in that head of yours."
"Nothing much, I'm afraid. I think some of it, maybe most of it, has very little behind it. I don't mind talking but I think you'll be disappointed
"We'll be the judge of that," I said. "Even if your answers turn out to be nothing special, it's enough just to get our questions answered
"And what kind of questions do you have?"
"Like what you are truly talking about, and how we should interpret what we find."
"Interpret it any way you like. I'm not sure you should trust even me to understand things I'm talking about."
"Are you okay?" I asked. "You don't understand your own ideas?"
"At some level I do, I think, but sometimes they come out and I'm not always sure the source is me, even when it appears to be me."
"If we can't get answers from the source, what can we do?" I asked.
"You interpret the ideas you think are from me. If you have questions about your interpretation, maybe it's you
that is the source."
"So you're telling us to ask ourselves about our own interpretations?"
"Yes. I understand my side, and you understand yours. Trying to understand the other side
is much more difficult."
"Even if we're talking about the same ideas?" I asked.
"Are they really the same though? The text may appear to be the same to both sides, but what if each side has their own definitions for the words? What do we have then?"
"Our own definitions?" I asked. "You mean like meanings lost in translation
"I suppose you could call it that. What we each get out of a set of text could be vastly different depending on our own interpretations."
"And you're not willing to talk to us about your own interpretation?"
"Even if I did, I would still be using words that each of us may have different definitions for."
"You know, if you don't want to talk
to us, just say so," I said.
"No, it's not that. You know I love you all
, but I'm just saying there will always be a limitation in terms of just how much meaning I can communicate to you."
"So you don't think it's even worth trying then?"
"No, I think it's still worth a try, but I don't think we can take it all that seriously, given the limits that we can't control."
"So if we don't take it seriously, what do we have?"
"Just a limit on how much we can learn
about the original intention I think, but if you find your own interpretations helpful, you're welcome to them."
"I'm wondering if it's even a good idea talking to you now," I said.
"Maybe not, I don't know, but I do enjoy the company
"So no more denials or unspoken secrets
between us?" I asked.
"I can't promise that. I'm not sure what I can truly promise. I don't like to make a lot of future plans
"That doesn't give us a lot of hope for the future
if you're not making plans," I said.
"I don't think any plans we make now
would make much sense even after a few days."