Flying out of control, everything spinning, I was losing my grip
There was nothing to focus on. There were too many
things to focus on.
Trying to prioritize didn't help. Everything else immediately overwhelmed whatever task I tried to do. Just a week ago, I was at rest. In bed, trying to find a moment of peace. It didn't last. It never does
It was gone again. An unknown future rushed at me. I couldn't get a handle
on anything. I couldn't slow myself down.
Too much was happening. I couldn't take it all in. I had to take it all in.
I needed to survive. But it was hopeless. Everything was changing too fast.
I hit the surface. The shock stopped my breathing. But there was no rest. Not even there
I started to sink. The world rose up
around me. The surface receded upwards.
I couldn't breathe. The light was disappearing. My world was shattered. Everything I had
I was surrounded by nothing
I recognized. I couldn't orient myself. Slowly I drifted to the bottom.
It was dark. It was still
. I could see the surface far above, lights flickering. So far out of reach.
I couldn't breathe. Yet I was there. Thinking in the dark. Everything was lost. Everything but me.
I still had myself. Maybe I didn't need oxygen. Maybe I didn't need my old home. Was that my new home? I didn't seem to have a choice in the matter. I would have to make that my new home. I would have to get used to not breathing
. I would have to get used to waves of light dancing far above me.
It wasn't something I ever wanted. It wasn't even something I never wanted
. It was something I'd never thought of. Yet there I was, wondering how I got there. How did I manage to get anywhere?