"Tex will be cooking up piggies on the grill. But keep your hands off the merchandise. Those piggies are greasy!"

-- Edna Boil

Edna Boil was a character Andrea Martin used to do on SCTV. Edna was sister to Edith Prickley (another Martin character). Edna, along with her husband Tex, were the show's consummate small town business people, and advertised their business ventures frequently on SCTV.

Edna and Tex began a music store, Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium. On many of their commercials they were trying to push an organ called the Rhythm Ace.

Edna, in her ill fitting pants suit, was the pitchman, claiming their emporium featured no less than four miles of organs and it was open 24 hours for all your organ needs. Her husband Tex would play odd medleys on the Wurlitzer organ (freely blending Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man" with Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale", Kraftwerk's "Autobahn", The Band's "Chest Fever").

To get customers into their store, Edna would announce promotions, many involving free coffee or sausages. One sales gimmick they tried to offer a free budgie with every organ. However, a sufficient number of standard budgies could not be found in Mellonville, so they smuggled Shetland budgies from the USA.

At some point Tex, tired of taking a back seat to his wife, unceremoniously dumped her during one of their commercial breaks. Heartbroken but ever the professional, Edna began auditioning for a new organist (and ostensibly a husband). Apparently she was set on her pitchman/organist two shot commercial format. Prospective organists were encouraged to "come on down" for some "Free coffee and donuts. You fill in the blank."

After Tex's departure, Edna quickly branched out into western clothing, although curiously the clothes were all in Tex's size.

Unable to find a quick replacement for Tex, Edna had her dog do temporary duty as organist. She changed and expanded the scope of her business. Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium became Rex and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium. Besides organs, it offered dog outfits for every occasion. Her curio shop featured some interesting attractions like JoJo the world's biggest prairie dog and Chuckie the baseball playing chicken. Baseball playing chickens tend not to last long in show biz and Chuckie succumbed. He was, however, replaced by Sylvia the bowling cat.

Edna eventually met and married European royalty, Count Alki Stereopolis. She planned a honeymoon in Europe and announced she would add to her ever widening stock of goods after returning from Europe, hinting Countess Boileena's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium would soon offer scabbards, daggers, halberds, and pikes.

Alas the marriage to Count Alki Stereopolis was a short one. But no problem. Edna met a man in Vegas named Stan. Her business now became Stan and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium. To its growing list of products and services they added fun-filled Vegas junkets and quickie marriage tours.

Alas, again, her marriage to Stan failed as quickly as her marriage to the count. Salvation came quickly tho in the form of a freakish albino kid who wore long johns and jackboots (played by Martin Short). He became "Boil Boy", the leading attraction at Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium's Boil World. Boil World was billed as an homage to Mother Nature's greatest mistakes.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.