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Farting in lifts:

A few years ago I was travelling in a lift from the 12th floor to the ground. The lift stopped on 9 and a large sweaty guy hopped in. He pressed 7 (why not walk down 2 flights of stairs you fat git?) and when the lift stopped he let rip an enormous, wet, crusty one! The doors opened and he hopped out, possibly relieved to get away from it. The doors shut and I was locked in there with the festering cloud. Continuing down, the lift stopped on 5 and a couple of middle-aged woman got on. When the doors shut they both went pale and started giving me sideways looks. I was totally innocent, but being the only one on the lift with that stench, was judged responsible by-proxy. The lift finally stopped on the ground floor after about 16 hours and the woman virtually ran out of the lift. I also took flight, not only due to the vile smell, but also in case anybody else hopped on the lift and saw I was the one who had just left it.

Today, this can be laughed at, but at the time it was a serious breach of social etiquette, and reflected badly upon myself as a flatulent cretin with a serious lack of bowel control.

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