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I like to use mini golf as a first date. It has so many advantages to it that it really cannot be ignored by any quirky, off-beat type, male or female. Step one, though, is to make sure you're good at it. This takes time, practice and patience. Or some natural ability (my course of action). Any way you can, become proficient with the putter and the colored ball, understand the zen of the windmill, and be one with the water hazard. Any way you slice it, you'll be downright faux impressive.

The purpose of the display of command over children's pastimes is really not to impress the other person, it's mostly to be able to keep the scores close, and set the pace for the game. You want to take a good forty-five minutes to an hour at this, which isn't hard, as the math will show. Sixty minutes divided by eighteen holes equals about two hundred seconds (3.33 minutes) per hole. It sounds brisk, but it's not unrealistic, as this game really only consists of, maximum, 12 putts per hole. That is, unless you or your date is stubborn and a bad shot, then you want to clear your schedule, cash in your vacation time and call for a pizza.

The biggest faux pas in the minigolf date is, perhaps, the Happy Gilmore. This is appropriately named, as it mimics Chubbs' advice to a petulant Happy, as Chubbs wrapped his arms around a disconcerted Gilmore, swaying to and fro chanting, "It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips..." This is not something you want to try unless you know for damn sure that physical contact is welcome. If you are two holes in, and your date's botching it bigtime, you don't want to end up on the giving end of an awkward groping involving a putter and a ruined date. If, on the other hand, you've been holding hands for the past fifteen minutes or some such, chant away, as it can only be seen as humorously condescending.

I can only give this much advice, as dating is as much about personal style and charm as it is about knowing what to do in certain situations. Well, moreso on the style and charm. Money helps, too.

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