Today I'm thinking about the things i want out of life. I want fresh foods that are deliciously prepared and presented. I want to go to the chiropractor, get massages, get a nicer vehicle. I want to own my own place and paint it whatever color I think would suit me best. I want more sunshine and breezy air. I want to ride my bike and get rid of the need for a vehicle. I want to start saving at least five hundred dollars a month. I want a lover, a partner, a friend, people who will drop by just because they were in the area and thought about me. I want to attract healthy people and enjoy high quality relationships where both partners give and take.
I want to stop obsessing about things. I want to become less compulsive. I want set hours at work and fewer things cluttering up my counters at home. I want light, space, brightness, laughter, fun, kisses in the rain, a good cry where your soul feels restored. I want to be paid more competitively. I want more control and less passive aggressiveness at work. I want to be the kind of person who carries cash and laughs at the idea that I might have a bill coming that I can't easily pay. I want to treat my friends more and let go of the toxic relationships that entice me. I want to knit things for people I love, get a garden of my own. I want more houseplants and fewer electronics. What a glory that would be.
I want my ear to stop hurting. I want to be more grateful for the health and wealth that I have. I want to be a ray of light and recognized for what I bring to the table at work. I want a promotion, but I'm not sure I need one, I want more power at work. I want more praise for others, less criticism of the minor things that don't really amount to much but people blow out of proportion. I want to stop doing this myself. I want a signature style, longer hair, a firmer body, more comfortable clothes. I want turtlenecks and vests, scarves and footwear that keep me warm and cozy without heating me up too much. I want to go on vacation with my kids and go by myself. I've been alone for far too long. I want to erase the ice between me and family members. I want to send and receive cards and gifts. I want fewer books or more bookshelves.
I want to hang out with people who value quality over quantity. I want things to smell fresh and look crisp except when I want them to be comfortably rumpled. I want to hold a book I wrote and published. I want to be more organized, be able to pay greater attention to detail, to laugh at myself when I make mistakes, to positively impact that world around me and forgive myself when I am out of line knowing it will happen again and again and again because our pet sins are difficult to erase in one fell swoop. I want cool jewelry and more manicures and pedicures. I want to be the party starter, the person who gets things going and feels comfortable leaving when the party is in full swing. I want to pick up the bill for random strangers that will never know me.
I want more mystery, I want to be more mysterious and less of an open book. I want some nice lingerie that I don't wear every day, but I can pull out whenever I want to feel sexy. I want a strand of really neat pearls, a pair of red shoes like the ones I used to have. I want to move someplace warm and bask in the sunshine by my pool. I would love to live at the place my in-laws own down in Florida. Apart from the oddly designed kitchen it's practically the perfect place and I can live with the kitchen. I want to work with wood, learn how to paint and sketch. I want to learn to fix my own car. I want to stop procrastinating and become more active. I want to realize that I am enough in my present state and change is all well and good, but acceptance and gratitude for the here and now is key. That's what I want.
Until next time,
J
P.S. Beauty day was a success. I would have handled several things differently, but I met a lot of new people and we were able to trim down our inventory. A woman I work with said I won the personality award last night. I didn't feel like I was really doing anything other than being me. Maybe that's all I need to do. Not worry so much about others and focus on being myself. A woman in her seventies came in to buy some expensive skin care. She's wanted it for years, got her tax return, and decided to treat herself. I want to be more like that when I grow up, she was very cool.
j