Back when I was the king of epigraphy I maintained a steady billet at a museum of most wonderful repute. During this interval, there came to me several fellows who expressed desire to own various pieces. Drawing the most attention from these fellows (would-be deliquents who attempted to pilfer the collection and sate my passions with a rake-off!) was an inscription by a certain Celt named Haalwal.

It spoke of such wonderful foolery at noonday. Apparently, this noble potentate of yore was quite fond of the fairer sex and took every opportunity to abscond with young maidens into the wood. Haalwal also spoke quite favorably of ale and recounted several incidents which occured while under its terrific spell. Our guide to the world of antiquity also spake of a good number of melees. Lastly, there is his great athletic victory, whereupon ale was dumped upon his crown. It is recorded that each of these adventures transpired while the sun was high in the ancient skies, and Haalwal concludes his writing by declaring himself the Sun God.

Perhaps one day I shall engage in such wondrous gambol!

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