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Original Full Version

From the version used in 1939-1940

sung to the Melody of the "Colonel Bogey March"


Hitler, he only had one ball,
Goering, he had two but very small,
Himmler had something simmler,
But poor old Goebbels had no balls at all.
Whistle Chorus:


Frankfurt has only one beer hall,
Stuttgart, die München all on call,
Munich, vee lift our tunic,
To show vee 'Cherman' have no balls at all.
Whistle Chorus:


Hans Otto is very short, not tall,
And blotto, for drinking Singhai and Skol.
A 'Cherman', unlike Bruce Erwin,
Because Hans Otto has no balls at all.
Whistle Chorus:


Hitler has only got one ball,
The other is in the Albert Hall.
His mother, the dirty bugger,
Cut it off when he was small.
Whistle Chorus:

The question of Hitler's one nut has perplexed historians for decades. Did Hitler possess a full set like most of us? Or, like Tom Green, John Kruk, and Lance Armstrong, did he achieve power and prestige despite his handicap? Now the fact that there was a well-known song about it means nothing, it's common to impugn the sexual prowess of the enemy (I recall the American media's gleeful reports on the fact that Saddam Hussein needed Viagra to get his Scud into firing position.)

What is known is that Adolf Hitler was injured in the groin/thigh area while serving as an infantryman at the Battle of the Somme in October 1916. This is the supposed basis for the song and probably where the ball would have been lost. There are conflicting reports whether he still had both testicles after this date, Hitler's World War I Commander says that he noticed a missing testicle while doing a standard venereal exam, while a woman claiming to be Hitler's lover says that he was fully equipped.

None of Hitler's doctors ever mentioned anything in his medical records about a missing testicle, although one can see why an up-and-coming megalomanical dictator might want to keep that little tidbit on the down low.

This brings us to the mysteries surrounding Hitler’s death and what happened to his body. On May 1, 1945, German radio announced that Hitler had been killed fighting at the head of his troops. In actuality the Russians had overrun the Fuhrerbunker after Hitler and Eva Braun had committed suicide. In 1968, a book entitled The Death of Adolf Hitler: Unknown Documents from Soviet Archives by Lev Bezymenski was released and it indicated that the Russians had exhumed Hitler’s body and performed a full autopsy. The autopsy report stated that “the left testicle could not be found either in the scrotum or on the spermatic cord inside the inguinal canal, or in the small pelvis.”

But was it really Hitler’s body? There were questions about whether it could have been a body double, or that the Russians had faked the whole thing. In 1972, Dr. Reidar Sognnaes, a dental expert at UCLA, compared the Russian autopsy data with previous X-rays of Hitler's skull and stated that the dental records matched and the body in question belonged to Adolf Hitler.

So it turns out the song is right. Let's all sing along!

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