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Hooker or Trophy Wife? is a game I invented the first year I was in Vegas. I was playing poker pretty much 7 days a week at the Bellagio. The self-parking garage is on the other side of the casino from the poker room, so I'd always have to walk through the Bellagio to get there. The game is simple, you just try to guess which a woman is. No attempts were ever made to confirm what I guessed a woman was, so there weren't any good stories generated there.

My last table I dealt to tonight reminded me of this whole "guessing what role a woman has" game. You see, there are a couple of $5 minimum tables where I work, but most tables the minimum is $10. I was at such a table about an hour before I pushed into my last table of the night when an attractive woman lingered too close to my table. Close enough I tried to get her to sit down.

I told her I needed to see her ID.

"You need to see my ID even if I'm not playing?"

"Yes," I lied.

She gave it to me and I looked it over.

"This doesn't have your phone number on it."

She wouldn't sit down, and she asked how come it wasn't a $5 table.

"Well you see, when the dealer is really charming and he really knows how to make a woman happy, they make it a $10 minimum."

No luck. And eventually she moved along.

So later I'm tapping out the dealer to push into my last table of the night. The lone guy she is dealing to has a stack of black chips ($100 each) in front of him along with some green ($25 each) and red ($5 each). This is unusual. This is a lot for our average customer.

Furthermore the guy was playing 3 hands at once, one black chip each. After splitting and doubling the guys wins $700. The dealer (a thin, attractive woman...remember this for later) fist bumps him, pays him out, tells him she has to go, etc. He gives her a black chip and says, "I normally don't tip like this, but there you go." He sounds drunk.

She changes the chip to green (I had no idea you didn't drop black chips in our toke box until I saw this) and dropped it.

So I start dealing to this guy and the woman I IDed earlier comes by with the older woman she is with. They stand a bit back from the table and I pretty much ignore them. I'm dealing with at least 10 times the money I usually do, so I'm focused on not screwing anything up. He asks if I can hold on.

"Of course, Sir." He's the only one at the table, he can do whatever he wants.

After some talk with this woman and her friend he turns back to me "can they play?" to be honest I don't know exactly what he asked...I don't remember. Basically he wanted to know if they could sit there and play some with his money.

No problem.

So this time it's 4 hands, two for him and one for each of them, $50 each hand. The girls hands definitely both end up losing.

Without any more boring blackjack details what I get from this whole experience is that this woman is....I don't know what to call it...looking for a handout? I certainly don't think she was a hooker. She kept using his name though, "Go get him, Jim. Win a lot of money, Jim." It was creepy, like straight out of some psychology course on how to make the drunk guy happy.

The funny thing was, after that first hand that was it, he went back to playing 3 hands for himself. I think he just wanted them to be able to sit at the table.

Later a guy came to the table and wanted to play and Jim told him he had the whole table. I informed the guy that this guy could play 3 hands and the ladies could play the other two spots. Everyone was very happy with "my decision." I don't think the guy trying to come in and play cared, at 4:30 in the morning it wasn't hard to find an empty spot somewhere.

"Can we play with the red chips, Jim? It's only $5."

Then he plays 3 hands of $5 each! She looked so disappointed.

It wasn't until I was driving home that I thought about the $100 he tipped the woman before me. He didn't tip me anything. Did he not win overall while I was there? Was it because I wasn't a women? Did he want the women there because now he didn't have the company of a female dealer? I'll never know.

You see, I hope he wasn't as drunk as he acted. I hope he knew exactly what that woman was trying to pull. And I hope he won a ton more money from us and went and spent it on a good honest hooker later.

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