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After living in New York City for about a year and a half, it becomes apparent that people from outside of urban areas really are clueless about street crossing in Gotham. Therefore, I have written this simple guide to street crossing for everyone. Most of these steps can be applied to any other city in the Northeast, such as Philadelphia, or Boston. They may also work in Chicago. It is not recomended that you try these in any city in California as sidewalks there exist only for decorative purposes.

  1. Check the light. This step is really optional, but it looks good.
  2. Check the traffic. If there is a taxi coming, then stand on the sidewalk. Try to stand on the sidewalk of the another street just to be safe. Do not fuck with the taxis. Ever.
  3. If there are motor vehicles not able to hit you in the time it will take you to cross at normal speed, you may now cross, ignoring the light.
  4. If there are motor vehicles able to hit you in the time it will take you to cross at normal speed, you may now cross as long as you run really fast. (This does not apply, of course, to city busses, large trucks, SUVs, and anyone who is driving from out of state. You have been warned.)
  5. If the traffic has stopped, don't bother with this, and just walk between the cars. Nobody will care.

Finally, don't bother pushing the button to change the Walk/Don't Walk sign. It's pointless. They're just intelligence tests for tourists from the Midwest.

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