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It's amazing how depression affects people. Good things make me feel sad. I feel rejected, even though I have many friends and a wonderful sweetheart. It's not that they don't like me, and I know that... Is it that I don't believe them? Do I think they have ulterior motives and just pretend to like me? And why do good things make me sad? A smile, for instance, a smile can make me sad. Do I perceive the context wrong? I don't think so... yet, it still makes me sad. Granted, this doesn't mean EVERY smile makes me sad. It just... happens. Or, when I'm in a depressed mood, everything makes me sadder. I'll end up moping. People will ask me what's wrong, and I won't have a straight answer. At those points... things that are normal become horribly depressing. Taking the same example- a smile- it's great (not taken in the context of the smile that made me sad), but... no one can smile forever. So, someone smiles at me and then stops. THAT will strike me down and set me into a horrible depression.

What's really funny... is that I don't consider myself depressed. These things just happen. More often than not. And I have to accept it. I want to overcome it. I just... don't know what to do.

Why does this happen to people? Why does it happen to me? *sigh* Now I'm depressed again...

Motivation is a temporary fix for everything. I wish I could have it all the time.

And I'm afraid again... I'm so afraid.

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