Sometimes, I can be really insensitive, some might say cruel. I don't know, sometimes I forget that people have feelings, and that what I say can really hurt someone. Either way, when that happens, and I remove myself from human kind; it is hard to see people as just that, people. It's hard to explain, but, I go through this process of dehumanization; and doing that makes it easier to be malicious toward people.

All this said, one can assume that I do not have the best social skills on the planet; this assumption would be correct, especially toward my good friends. See, I have this bad habit of taking my friends for granted, I honestly cannot tell you why this is so, but it is. Truth be told, I treat my friends like crap, and, I suppose that it something in me that I have to work on. I don't want to be the insensitive person that I know I am sometimes. Remember this if you ever consider becoming a friend of mine.

So, I am heartless. I am heartless toward my friends, heartless to the people I love. Ok, so we know I have a problem. The weird part, as if it isn't weird enough, is that even when I am cruel, even when I am heartless, even through all of this, in my opinion, I love my friends. Maybe what this means is that I am confused about what love is, and how I should treat people. Honestly, that could very well be. Loving people is important to me, and although I am not the best example of love; although I don’t always show my love; I would like to be able to say that I love you, even when I am heartless.

This may sound contradictory, I mean, heartless and love together? Looking at the definition of love would be a good place to start, especially since love is one of those words that people use, and do not know what it means. I Corinthians 13:4-8 says "4 Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; 5 does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; 6 finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends." This is one of the best definitions of love I have ever found. My handy dandy Merriam Webster's says "5: Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others." So, what I am saying is, that there are times when I am callous toward people, and in those times I want to be more patient, more kind, less envious etc. and maybe, eventually, I wont be heartless anymore.

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