My name is Berhardt Goats, i.e. Friend Behr (religious order name), and this nudity that has enveloped me over the past few years has taken a toll.


Do you feel "squishy" around certain people? Do you want to clasp your hands together and go "squee" when you see certain people? I am not sure what is wrong with you but something is. Visit a rural doctor and see that this is looked into.

Nudity has been a hot flash issue in politics this days. Ever since our nation's president began appearing at his rallies completely naked, people have asked, "Is this okay?" Most people seem to think it is fine, or just shrug at it because there is no way your president standing up naked in front of a thousand yelling crazies could possibly affect you. That is the wrong way to think about nudity because we live in a nation (American Republic of Part of North America - name in Constitution) where the nudity laws are very archaic.

Point of order the first: If I want to go into a lending library and take off my sweaty clothes in the summer, or my wet winter clothes in the winter, and sit there in the absolute busiest part of the library with my legs open wide eating a cheese sandwich, there should be nothing preventing me from not only doing this, but enjoying it. And if I want to have women and children sit on my lap then that is my right as a straight white man in the American Republic of Part of North America. It is guaranteed in BOTH the Constitution and the Magna Carta. Why did we have these two uniquely American documents written by Random House in the first place? They are publishing my book about a guy working a Blackberry up his ass. They know what is best. Can you say the same? Do you have a long track record of success like Random House? I don't think you can make that claim. It would be wrong of you to do so.

And one's genitals become sweaty, warm, and less likely to be of value when you are rounded up, shoved forcefully into a livestock truck, and taken to either the work camps or the breeding pits. Your body will be worked to death for the good of the State and you WILL NO LONGER LIVE BEYOND the age of 28  unless you come from what is considered a good family (rich, straight, white, strong nationalist tendencies, all men urinate standing up). Please make a note of these changes.

I have to go out and cut the lawn around my Utica wilderness cabin. You could be here with me, Chopper, and Enrico Fermi and we can teach you a new work ethic. I am building a beating shed with a crowbar, angry shirtless man, and a bottle of whiskey in it. You will utilize when you visit. Please come soon.

My friends.

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