Yesterday I went to work. At precisely 1:23 PM I seriously considered asking my boss if I could leave early. I felt bad about calling in on Monday, she was there right away when I got in at 9:00 and I felt as if this was a silent message that she was checking up on me to see what needed to be done about my employment status. I made it through the day and was grateful when I was able to leave even though I ended up staying later to discuss pool menus with a very frustrated customer. I left in a bad mood, went to the store for cucumbers and mint, and almost bought a braided hibiscus tree to cheer myself up because what you really need if you might be moving soon is a miniature tree. I went home and was content to sit around moping until my friend called. She suggested we get together after asking what was wrong. I told her it was the same old, same old, and she drove out to see me. We sat at the pool for a while, went for a drive, and when we saw the Urgent Care sign she asked if I wanted to stop.
A voice inside of my head told me that this type of pain should have gone away. It was no longer my back, I had been nauseated during the day, felt slightly dizzy on several occasions, and the few bites of lunch I had taken had not sat well as the day progressed. I felt incredibly stupid walking in and telling the woman behind the desk that my tummy hurt, but I was also replaying a conversation that was more than two decades old where my aunt had told my mom that I should be seen to rule out appendicitis. I talked to a nurse who weighed me, I got the lecture on how to complete a urine sample, and went back to the room to sit there. A nurse practitioner came in to see me and asked the questions I had answered previously. I laid on the table, got poked in the back and front, and was told that the doctor would be in soon. I'm not sure, but I think the guy I saw next is the one I had seen when I had bitten by a dog last summer.
Rather than being sent home I am told that I need to go to the hospital where they will have more diagnostics and access to a lab at this time of night. I feel bad for my friend who has sat out in the waiting room this entire time. My phone battery is dying and I have no way to charge it which means if I need to call anyone, I better have their number memorized. Later on I write key numbers down and tell myself I really need to memorize important numbers which I tell myself I will do later, and then don't. The woman behind the desk at the emergency room is very courteous and professiona. I have been told that people are expecting me so I do not expect to sit in a room by myself for almost 45 minutes. Finally I press the call light and ask how long I am supposed to wait to be seen. A nurse enters and apologizes for the delay. Apparently some ambulances had arrived, this makes sense, but doesn't make me feel any better.
Eventually the doctor arrives and I feel as if I have met him before, but who knows. He's about my age, thin, and has a wiry energy about him. He's thorough and goes over everything again which is his job. He leaves and the next person I see is a woman who wants to draw blood. She's sharp and unkind. I ask what labs are being drawn and she tells me she has no idea because the labels haven't been printed yet. When I tell her I need to know what is being drawn before I consent to have my vein punctured she's hostile and angry, but goes to tell the nurse, presumably adding her own commentary about me being a difficult patient, and to be fair to her, I am. They run down the tests and I'm fine with the first two which are a complete blood count and the test to check my electrolytes. These both make sense to me and I would have agreed to them. The third one is a lipase test and they tell me this is to check to see if the problem is my gallbladder. I object to the test and she snaps back at me.
When I ask how we can rule out whether or not this is an ovarian cyst these women are glaring at me. They tell me that blood work doesn't rule that out and I ask the question another way. I ask what would confirm the presence of a cyst and they tell me I need a pelvic ultrasound for that. When I ask if we can do that before I have blood drawn they are probably wishing they had premediated my demise during their previous collaboration, at least this is my impression based on their facial expressions and tone of voice. The doctor says that's okay, I don't see or hear him, but the next thing I know they are informing me that my dream has come true as if I walked in with the express desire of having a wand thrust into my innermost parts just for fun that night. The ultrasound tech arrives and does not seem to have gotten the memo that I am surly and uncooperative. She does her job expertly and apologizes when she has to linger on the tender area to get a good image. We have some woman to woman dialogue and I learn that she has gone through early menopause and only has one child as a result.
The nurse returns and tells me I need to wait for the results before I can leave. Apparently cysts can require immediate surgical intervention, my hunch is that I would be in a lot more pain if this is the case, but the one I had previously was excruciating, and nobody had taken a knife to me for that so maybe I don't know and I better just stay there. I text friends and try to find a ride. The guy I've been texting is super nice about everything and doesn't seem squeamish about a discussion of what might be wrong with my reproductive system. I learn that I am not pregnant which is no surprise to me and then I'm put out because I have to pay for a pregnancy test when there is a 0.00% chance that I could be expecting. They are just doing their jobs, but it's annoying. My daughter calls and has a strange attitude when I speak with her. Earlier I had texted her dad to see if she could come and pick me up, I feel bad, but this is an emergency and they are just down the street.
I wanted to cry when I saw both of my daughters walk into my room. They didn't ask how I was or what was wrong, they sat in the same chair and I asked how their days had gone. I thanked them for coming and then told them about the possible cyst situation. We talk and they fool around in the room which I don't mind. I had asked a girlfriend to come pick me up and forgot to tell her I didn't need a ride, she probably understands given the circumstances, but I felt bad when I read her text. The doctor enters and asks if it's okay to share my medical condition with my daughters. He takes a look at one and then the other, asks if they are twins, and looks back at both when they say no. We get this a lot and the girls are used to it. There are some similarities and they are about the same height, plus it is late at night and none of us are at our best.
He goes over the cyst information such as it is known at this time. It is 2.5 centimeters and they are taking a wait and see approach since there is a good blood supply to it and they aren't concerned that anything more diabolical or sinister will come to pass at that point in time. I'm told to call or return if I develop a fever, the pain becomes unbearable, or I start doing something like bleed all over the place. This could go on for another week or two and I'm not elated to learn that. He's very chatty and starts saying something about high school reunions and Medicare that I kind of follow, but don't really get where he is going with any of it. He leaves and the girls ask if he is single. I have no idea, but tell them that I don't think that he is. They ask if I checked for a ring, I hadn't, I couldn't remember seeing one, but I tell them that he probably is anyways. I gather my things and then they run out into the hall to hide from me. I keep walking and they pop out and try to scare me.'w
The girls drop me off, I am way to wound up to go to bed, but eventually fall asleep. I call in sick and then call my boss when I wake up the next morning. She is very nice about everything and tells me she has had this problem herself and it is debilitating. I'm glad she gets it, but she also implies that I'm expected to be at work tomorrow. I tell her that's my plan and she mentions that she will be out, and so will someone else and stresses the importance of me being there, if I can make it. I laze around, get the thing you can heat up in the microwave and walk around with that for a while. My friend calls and when he tells me he has finally received his immigration paperwork, my day immediately takes a turn for the better. This is the end of a very long struggle and I knew that this moment was probably coming, but you never know about anything when the government is involved. I am super happy for him and tell him that the time he needs to spend to obtain citizenship will fly by. We have an interesting conversation and I hang up feeling better about the day, and life in general.
I would like to be in bed, but for some reason I am now wide awake. The other day I bought some plastic 'woven rattan planters' from Aldi on a whim. Today I'm wondering if I can somehow use these things to create an indoor herb garden. Not long ago I picked up a book on herbs and it's been a fascinating read. After my massage I went to the thrift store and treated myself to a stack of books. The Feng Shui one was an immediate grab and it's already paid for itself. I've long wanted to learn more about the Alexander Technique. I have a feeling many would toss this book aside for their discussion on homeopathy, but I'm happy it has a place on my shelf. This book is incredibly comprehensive, it's more than 500 pages and oversized with pictures that are a joy to behold. They cover all sorts of things and I haven't even begun to scratch its depths. I also found a copy of Women Who Love Too Much which has been prescribed to me over the ages. I found a Brian Tracy book, and a couple other gems including a pain management book from Mayo Clinic.
It's strange that I haven't heard from the people who offered me a different job, I'm not sure what is going on there, but I feel as if the ball is in their court right now. I still want to move and want to do so very badly. I'm going to tell my boss that I need to cut my hours further so I can maintain my income limit for health insurance. I was going to buy a policy, but this latest incident has scared me and I don't see why I should give that up just to work an extra five hours a week. Maybe I work this job for a while and just get through the summer before I start looking for something else. I still want to find another job, but this is not a bad gig despite some of the ridiculousness. I didn't get any fiction written, I did pick up a few things and am trying to heed the wisdom of people telling me to take it easy and rest up. My fridge smells bad and needs to be cleaned, but my queasy stomach did not want to go there and I let it win for now. Tomorrow I get paid. Next time I do my check won't be as large. Despite the turn of events, I'm in good spirits and doing well mentally and emotionally even if physical health is temporarily lacking. The massage was amazing and I'm glad I went.
Tomorrow is another day, and I for one am excited to see what it bring.
Xoxo,
J
P.S. It could have been so much worse and I really am very thankful for that. I could have a whopping medical bill from this and I told my friend I will be more than happy to pay it considering how things could have gone down.
j