Kool A.D is a professional rapper, the best rapper in the world.
But the best is boring and, oftentimes, even harmful.
What's worth examining is how one became the best in the world.
Act One: Birth
Before Kool, there is Victor Vasquez and, before Victor Vasquez, there is an Afro-Cuban/Italian father/mother in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Acts Two-Three: The Rest
Next, there is Wesleyan University. Next, there is Boy Crisis. Next, there is Das Racist (many people know the song "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell"). Next, Das Racist's Shut Up, Dude and Sit Down, Man are moderately successful and receive praise from Pitchfork and other important internet sites. Next, on September 2, 2009, Kool A.D. defeats the New Yorker in a cartoon-off. Next, after extensive touring, Das Racist breaks up.
Next, like the prodigal son, Kool A.D. returns to California. To some, this return to home is reminiscent of another who is considered to be the greatest.
Post homecoming, Kool A.D. releases rap songs with Kassa Overall and Amaze 88 and also by himself. Kool A.D. sells art on the internet.
At some point between Acts Two and Three, it is impossible to be precise, Kool A.D. becomes a disciple of Lil B.
Act Four: Denouement
Why is Kool A.D. the best rapper in the world? Because Kool A.D. raps and tells his audience that he is the greatest rapper in the world. Thus, the best rapper in the world is renowned for his tautologies. Tautologies, unfortunately, can be be perceived as undesirable. This begs the question of the best rapper in the world's work: The language is fatal but who's scared?
Here are ten of the best rap lines in the world (Note: Treat these as if you were an anthropologist analyzing pottery):
1. "White people play this for your black friends
Black people--smack them"
("Sit Down, Man" from Sit Down, Man, 2010)
2. "National salary cap--let's make it happen man
For real, let's make it happen
National salary cap--that would be pretty cool, right?
I think that would be pretty cool, right?"
("The Robbery" from Kool A.D.'s 51, 2012)
3. "How many malnourished Asian kids you fed today?
Is Adderall covered by Medicaid?"
("Dum Diary" from YouTube, 2012)
4. "Nah, who cares, language is fatal but who’s scared?"
("Dum Diary" from YouTube, 2012)
5. "'All I care about is money and the city that I'm from'
That's dumb. Isn't that exactly like the tea party platform?"
("Hood Party" from Fat Tony's Smart Ass Black Boy, 2013)
6. "I'm dumb, I'm smart; I'm ridiculous, I'm some other shit
I don't even know what I am: Caveman pornstar riding on a unicorn
Undercover cop and I'm wearing a uniform"
("God Loves His Children" from the internet, 2011)
7. "Bet y'all didn't know that Polo's owned by Nestle
I said, Polo's owned by Nestle
Polo is owned by Nestle!"
("Special Forces" from Kool A.D's Word O.K., 2014)
8. "Catch me solving mysteries like Wikipedia Brown
It’s the future get down
We make a sound even if nobody’s around"
("Rainbow in the Dark" from Das Racist's Shut Up, Dude, 2010)
9. "But what can one man do?
I don't know probably a lot
Y'know, it's probably a lot of shit, really, yo
My name is Kool A.D
And I say a lot of shit
You don't even really fucking need to listen to all of it
But some of it is nice, and this joint?
This joint is hella nice"
("Life & Times" from Kool A.D.'s Word O.K., 2014)
10. "Reverse King Midas, capital monetizes me
Anthropology couldn’t analyze my pottery
All the bloggers be like
'This I gotta see
One of the late aughts' great race oddities'"
("Shut Up, Dude" from Das Racists Shut Up, Dude, 2010