Here is everything you need to know in order to use the law to create total chaos within your relationship.

Res Judicata
This is Claim Preclusion. Ok, so you get into an argument with your lover (we'll use a girl just for the sake of ease, not because of any sexist bent) and she nails you for spending all day on the couch watching Mork and Mindy. She chews you out for not taking her to see her parents. You apologize, she wins the dispute. The next day she starts to chew you out for not taking out the garbage yesterday. At that point you can claim res judicata because this second offense (the garbage) stems from the same Transaction or Occurence as the original dispute (Mork and Mindy and the parents). If she wanted to bring that claim, she was required to bring it at the same time as the parent argument but because she didn't, she's barred and has no claim any longer.

Collateral Estoppel
This is Issue Preclusion. So you got into a fight last week about vacuuming. You managed to win. This week she's mad at you again and in the middle of the fight she brings up the vacuuming again. This, my friends, is barred because the issue has already been litigated. She's barred by Collateral Estoppel. You cannot relitigate the same issue twice.

So you know for a fact that your lover got into an argument with parents over her responsibility in paying bills and lost it. The end result was she was deemed irresponsible. You and she later get into an argument over the payment of bills and she insists she's responsible. You can turn to her and say "I'd love to believe you, baby, but I'm bound by the decision of the higher courts."

Class Action
The worst possible thing has happened. Your ex's have gotten together with your current lover and are comparing notes. They all decide they have a grievance with you over the same issue. "" you think to yourself. However, you have a delay tactic available to you. You can insist they file for a 23(b)(2) Class action, since they are likely seeking equitable relief rather than monetary relief. This means that everyone, even parties not present, are bound by the decision. This also means that the proceedings will be drawn out to the point where they will likely lose interest.

Ok, so you are in the middle of an argument and suddenly you get blindsided with something that wasn't even part of the original fight. You can claim that this is barred by Rule 8(a) because if the claim isn't in the original claim you need to apply for the right to amend... and given that there is no judge it is unlikely she'll get the right to amend.

Also, when a complaint is brought to you by your lover you don't have to respond immediately. According to rule 8(c) you have 20 days to file your answer.

The dreaded Rule 11. She brought a complaint to you and it turned out to be complete bollocks. No reliable facts. No reasonable claim. Just a total time waster involving lots of crying and you arguing until 4am. At this point you file for a Rule 11 Sanction. Usually these are legal (monetary) remedies. However, given the nature of relationships I'm persuaded that you could file for equitable (performance) remedies such as sexual favors, beer, or both.

Statute of Limitations
In most areas the statute of limitations for civil matters is 3 years or less. Anything that is beyond that point is out of bounds for any sort of argument or conflict.

Stare Decisis
The decision stands. So you've given her the boot. You just couldn't stand how she refused to put the cap on the tooth paste for one day more (or more likely you used these tactics and she gave you the boot). She's gone. A week later you get it into your head that you really miss sex. Jenna is nice and all, but it isn't the same as a real woman. So you think "I could probably get her back." WRONG! You're barred by Stare Decisis. There has been a decision made on this matter already and so you're bound by that decision.

Good luck!

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.