display | more...

Good news - it sounds as if the job at Miller Park is mine if I want it. I was also offered a position at the window treatment/closet storage place, but after thinking about it, I'm not so sure I want it anymore. It sounds like something I would be great at, but it doesn't offer any benefits, and I'm leery about that right now. It also doesn't sound as if there would be much flexibility. Obviously I could reach out to them and share some of my thoughts, but I think I'm going to wait until Monday and try to see if I can contact the company that sells medical gloves to see if they're ready to make a decision about who they're going to hire. This isn't the feeling I had anticipated, but in a way I'm proud of myself for taking some time to think through this. Benefits are not an issue currently, but they will be and I really do not want to start yet another job knowing that at some future point in time I will want and need a job that offers me health insurance. Part of me thinks I could take this, and wait to see where I'm at, but another part of me realizes that putting this off for later just delays an unpleasant conversation. As a single parent and someone who has had previous health issues, health insurance is probably a higher priority for me than it would be for someone else. I don't want to make too big of a deal out of it, but I can't just let it slide either. Ugh...

Last night I had an interesting text conversation with someone I met on Tinder. Today he hasn't gotten back to me so now I don't know what to think. What I'm not going to do is sit around watching my phone. I've learned that whether you're job hunting, or trying to find a romantic connection, idleness is your enemy. Getting out, living your life, doing your own thing even when you don't feel like you have any clue is better than perpetuating feelings of insecurity and low self esteem. If he's having second thoughts, then I would rather know that now regardless of how much it hurt. Last night I went through my Tinder matches and weeded out almost everyone. It's not about how many matches you have, the majority of them don't go anywhere anyways, it's about the quality of the people I'm meeting and my interactions with them. It felt good to whittle my list down and stand up for my right to be well treated by someone who supposedly had enough interest to swipe right in the first place. I'm not going to be one of those women who sits there waiting for Mr. Right to get his act together and figure it out. If you can't have a conversation with someone where you listen to them and show genuine interest in something that isn't about you, then you need someone with less self esteem than I have. I am done with people who try to pick things up after ignoring me for a few days. 

I did not sleep well last night so that was rough. I laid around for a while and then made myself get up and start cleaning. It's appalling at how my energy is drained by having certain people around. I love my children, but as soon as they enter my place I feel like I go back in time to the days when I was still married and expected to do almost everything for everyone else while putting my few needs dead last. No more of that either. I was really glad when a friend of mine sent me a text asking how I was. She's black, there's a carnival at the school where my children used to attend, and nobody talks to her which I think is totally ridiculous. Since I was already dressed I threw my water bottle in my bag, drove into town, and sat to chat with her for a while. We covered a lot of ground and I'm really glad I made the effort. She's lost weight, she got her hair done. Her husband has a great sense of style and I complimented her on her bright yellow jacket because it really did look nice on her. I'm tired of people saying that they are inclusive and acting otherwise. That kind of thing is unacceptable, and I know that if Jesus was here, he would raise an eyebrow at the way some of these other people are treating a woman who works very hard to give her son the best life she can afford.

Going to write some fiction and then I'll figure out the rest of my day. Maybe I will go over to my mom's and see my sister. I feel like I need some extra support today.

Much love,

J

P.S. I know I might be foolish for turning down a job offer, but it just doesn't feel right and I really feel like I need to trust my intuition here.

Xoxo,

j

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.