I don't have a lot to write about today. I want to get back to writing fiction, but I know it's also important to get my thoughts and feelings out when I can. After my interview I stopped in to see my friend the receptionist. We did some catching up, I saw some of the people I had seen when I had been going to PT. I felt like I needed some familiar faces after that interview. It probably went better than I thought, I didn't look at the website and that probably hurt me. It was on my list of things to do and I just blanked on it. Before I met the parents I really wanted this job. Now I'm not so sure and it's coming down to a comment the man made when I was in there. The company doesn't offer benefits and I understand why, it actually wasn't a deal breaker, but the way that he said that the ladies who work there have husbands who provide health insurance for them really rubbed me the very wrong way. I'm angry because for many years we either went without health insurance, or I was the person whose paycheck took a huge hit because he didn't think it was of value, or I worked at a place that offered it which gave him the luxury of self employment. I feel like I paid the dues for him to have the job he does now, and I'm not reaping the benefits the way I would have liked. Deep breath, it's in the past and I can only go forward today.
I'm not sure how I managed this, but I scratched my forehead before my interview so I went there with a big red mark in the middle of it. I was very sad on the drive there. A song I really like came on and I started crying. I know I can do this job and would be amazing at it. I know that he's an older gentleman and probably very realistic, and doesn't realize how he's coming across. His wife wasn't thrilled with what he said and made a point to correct him. They seem like good honest, hard working, ethical people who have made sacrifices. He said they want to really focus on closets going forward, this is a skill of mine, I know I could help change lives if I'm offered this position and accept it. I think it would be a very rewarding position, it's not too far from where I live, the pay is decent if not fabulous. It would be a continuous learning process and I love to learn. Next time I will play up my organizational skills if I ever encounter an opportunity like this again. They said I would hear from them so I'm taking that as a very positive sign. I liked her better than him although I suspect my brain works more like his than hers which may be why I feel like there may be a personality clash there. It seems like the son got more of her personality than his, always interesting to see how those traits get passed along to future generations.
Took some time to send thank you emails, not sure why I have so much trouble with this. I'm really struggling with this whole going back to work situation. Follow my heart, follow my head. Either choice is going to have a ripple effect. Right now out of all the places I'm leaning toward the one that manufactures medical gloves as the best fit for me, however that's also the one that's furthest away so that's a factor to consider. I have a feeling that they would be willing to let me do some work from home. I'm also pretty sure that they would promote and advance me as I prove my worth there. I had such a good interview yesterday, it's not often the owner of a company is practical and sensible enough to see the wisdom of laying cards out on the table like she did. None of these people are fools, but there are different ways of being smart and sometimes intelligence isn't as much value to me since I tend to be smart myself. I need a company that will value me as an employee, who will reward me according to the effort I expended rather than wait for me to get frustrated and leave because I wasn't supported, nurtured, educated, or trained the way I should have been. Really missing my old boss today. I actually had an opportunity to work her into an interview today and that made me really happy.
Could write more, but want to maximize my time at the library today. A book I started long ago has been on my mind so I might go back to that since I'm so lost with the one I'm currently weighed down by.
Much love,
J
P.S. Ran into a former customer at the grocery store across the street and had a ton of fun talking to him. He has superb time management skills and a great outlook on life. I got his number and learned more about him. God always sends me the right people at the right time. My self esteem must be improving so even though I'm incredibly sad for some reason, this is progress and ought to be celebrated. Maybe I can find someone who wants to get wild with leftover champagne and organic orange juice...
Xoxo,
j