Monday I was scheduled to close, but my manager let me leave early. I went to a grocery store I really like and picked up a few things there. By the time I was done I had spent considerably more than I intended, but I justified it by telling myself that I don't get there often which is true, however not really the point. I got home, went to bed, and woke up the next morning feeling much better than I had been. After working six days in a row I needed a break. I am out some money, but overall I feel good about the decision and do not regret it in the slightest. Yesterday was my day off. I thought I had therapy, but didn't. I had planned to meet a friend, but since I had an unexpected gap in my schedule I decided to drive out to the outlet mall to see if I could use a coupon I had received in the mail. Once I was there I didn't see anything that I felt like exchanging my money for, and then I was proud of myself for walking out of there with all the money I had walking into the place.
Years ago I was introduced to Gary Chapman and The Five Love Languages. For anyone who may not know, they are; acts of service, quality time, physical affection, words of encouragement/appreciation/affirmation, and gifts. My middle sister had the book, I flipped through it and took the quiz, and then naively assumed that I had assimilated all I needed to know. Fast forward to 2019, the last time I was at the library I had checked out the variation for children. While I was listening to the audiobook, it really hit me. The author had teamed up with someone in a related field, and the stories of Ben, Stephanie, and Molly were relatable in a way that the adult versions really hadn't been. I was on the freeway when I heard that even though a person may have one particular love language that resonates most with them, each of these expressions is important. This is a very simple concept, and one I'm embarrassed to admit didn't really occur to me previously. Perhaps I knew on some fundamental level that children need gifts, time, to hear that they are loved, and for people to do things for them, but this was an awakening of sorts.
Since I driving I thought about the stores in the area, I was near our local Target, and decided to stop there. I could pick up some inexpensive whatevers for the girls, token gifts that would let them know that I was thinking of them, and be on my way to meet with my friend. I walked down the bedding aisle because I remembered that we need new pillows. I saw that there were some things on clearance, one set was a version of what we had currently in a slightly different pattern and a new color, but I took a shot of it and sent it to my children figuring that they could nay it if it wasn't anything they loved. My youngest got back to me first, to my surprise she said she liked it, and since it was so reasonably priced, I bought it for her. But I didn't stop there, I kept walking, and eventually I had a cart full of things. At the checkout counter I realized I hadn't added up everything, but decided not to put anything back. I went to go meet my friend feeling good about making the decision to purchase new bedding for all of us. It was more than I had wanted to spend, but I felt like some of our bedding needed to be updated.
The conversation with my friend was really nice and I left feeling grateful to have the friends that I do. I heard about the things that are going on in her life, she told me about the book; Flat Broke With Two Goats, and recommended I check it out. We sat in a patch of sunshine with our backs to the built in bookcases that lined the short wall behind us, she drank her coffee while I sipped a ginger lemon drink that wasn't great, but I was there for the company rather than the beverage anyways. We talked about our children, her career, my job, and things like budgeting. I showed her the condo I want, and she went through some basic math that really helped me. Before I get into the section about dating, I want to give some credit to the author of the book Getting Things Done which I called the Marie Kondo version of time management. It's a strong contender for best book of 2019, and I wish I had an audio version available. I have read numerous books like this, so I wasn't expecting the enormity of the impact it had on me as I began reading. He divides things up into segments that he calls buckets, it takes some time to set up, and I haven't finished that yet, but it works so far.
This is simplifying it to an extent, but I really like his idea of some sort of master game plan holding tank where you have everything that needs to get done in a place that you can get to when you need it. He says that there are things that need to be done at a certain time, before the post office closes as an example, on a certain day, garbage pickup may fall under this category, and things that can really be done whenever. It's also a matter of managing your energy which leads me to my next point. This morning I woke up and did my taxes. There's no reason for me to have procrastinated. I'm receiving a refund, and have spent months worry about the money I owed to various dental practitioners, I've also been concerned about my housing situation, both of which could have been alleviated by a fresh influx of cash that I am owed. I transferred some stocks last year, and this year I see the wisdom of having almost everything in one place because I had this nifty little sheet that showed me all of the dividends I had received since then on a printout from my financial institution.
Once I started reading I went through my place and donated more things to the thrift store. I could keep doing this, and will, but the book inspired and motivated me to take action which is the entire point of why I am writing this for myself. I need the reminder and the reward of what happens when I move forward rather than letting an item or situation roll around in my head creating anxiety and increasing my stress levels. While the book doesn't bill itself as a methodology to reduce either of these, they were welcome side effects. It was astonishing how much better I felt, even as I looked down and saw that I was only on page 13. I kept going, and have since taken a break, but I know that I will go back to it since it had been so helpful and effective. I can finally better visualize how I'm getting in my own way, and now I have a clearer vision of how to remove obstacles that I have put in my own path. The book doesn't really tackle personal responsibility or accountability either, but does a nice job of getting the reader, or at least me, to apply it in a way that I accept that my life is up to me to change, improve, or love just the way that it is now.
Clearing things out made me really appreciate the space I have now, and how fortunate I am to have it. I've been a positive person for a long time, however one new thing I learned is that there are times when I am saying the right thing without feeling it, and now I'm thinking about how what I say needs to match how I am feeling, and it's okay to feel differently than I think I should. I was grateful for the place, but it was so congested and cluttered (in my mind) that I couldn't see the space which is what I really love. I am a person who loves open spaces. Objects, furniture, papers, dishes, food, etc..., are things that remove space, and this is an obvious concept, but an important one for me. It's easier for me to throw things away because I am so in love with the void that is left behind. There are times when I really don't feel like I am truly a minimalist because I own more things than they do, and don't have their beautifully decorated place, or have their job free lifestyle, but when I go to other places, I'm often struck by how much stuff people have that they really aren't thinking about.
I could go on, but I have other things to do, and I feel good about stopping here. I'm getting closer to the life that I want, and that's a great feeling. The other day a customer who bought a watch told me he was getting a new job this past Monday. I need a new job, but feel as if now is not really the right time. First I want to find a place to live, and then I will branch out and tackle a career for myself. Having too many balls in the air at once means I start dropping them, and it's probably good for me to stay put in one area of my life while other major slices change. I moved after getting a job and we've had so many moves, jobs, and transitions, that I think it is wise to try and minimize some of that even though I would love to take this job and shove it. My new manager is much more laid back than my previous one, but the hours are worse, it's further away, and the sales environment is totally different, and not in a good way. It's very boring, and I manage, but it is far from ideal. My realtor has been sending me places, and I feel like I'm narrowing down my options which also makes me feel better about myself. There are still things to be done, but that is okay for today.
Xoxo,
J
P.S. I'm starting another long stretch of days in a row, and I'm trying to keep my eyes on the prize rather than the work required to get there.
All my best,
j