It had been the perfect kind of day that makes me wonder why Lou needed smack to write beautiful songs. Tedd said we could do anything I wanted for dinner. I told him that since I was only 100 miles from the coast, I wanted to get dolled up and go out for seafood. I put on my In Which Van Gogh Paints a Leopard Blue dress. He put on snazzy black pants that he insisted he'd had since he was 12.
He looked beautiful.

We clickety-clacked to our table and were seated at the front of the dining room. The sprawling potted fern between our table and the one to my right almost tickled my face. We busied ourselves with menus and water and by fidgeting with our napkins.
I was giddily nervous.

I asked him, "So whatever happened to the beautiful girl at the cafe that gave you her number?"
His eyes lit up. "Didn't I tell you?"
Nope, he hadn't.
"I called Heather two days later..."
"Two days? Like in Swingers? Or was that three...? Anyway, you're trying to follow dating rules? Dork!"
"Yeah, anyway, we talked. I said I was hungry. She said she was cooking. I went over there and we ate. We ended up talking all night."
"REALLY? Wow. And she's perfect, eh?"
"Dude, she's a slob! I love it! And she's a writer. And she has these fabulous cheekbones. She's so cool!"
"And you haven't talked to her since?"
"No. The next day, I left for Reno."
"Hmm. I'll be honest. That's awesome. She sounds great. And I'm horribly jealous." I sigh.
"In this teeny little town, you'd never met her before? And then she pops up, just like that? She has amazing timing."
"Well, it took me a year and a half here to bump into Sarah. This town is weird that way."
"She was the one you couldn't date because she didn't like pesto hummus?"

and THEN.

A tall and very beautiful brunette walks up to our table. Her cheekbones are so high, I think God hangs the stars on them. This chick does have amazing timing. No introductions are necessary.
Tedd turns purple.
I stick my tongue firmly in my cheek and suddenly I find my scallops very interesting.
Heather talks. And talks. And talks. Tedd squirms and turns many pretty colors. I smile and cock my head just so and do not laugh out loud. Heather and her sister have been sitting on the other side of the gigantic fern the entire time.
Heather's sister waves smartly. He smile is smug.
Heather continues talking so that she can remain standing there. She likes watching Tedd squirm. She reminds me of a monster child burning ants on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass.
I like her very much. She is gorgeous and a little sadistic.
This is also why I hate her.

Heather finally leaves. The breath I had been holding whooshes out of me. I cackle. I howl. I laugh until my guts ache. I manage to stay on my chair.
"You never bump into anyone interesting in this teeny little town, eh?"

Tedd excused himself. He wanted to laugh alone. I wondered if the bathroom walls were tiled. Someday I want to hear his laugh echo and multiply and bounce.

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