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The van down by the river

A Saturday Night Live sketch where Chris Farley, playing motivational speaker Matt Foley, would wobble back and forth unsteadily in a bad suit several sizes too small for him, shouting at juvies as to the dangers of drugs, alcohol, dropping out of school, delivering flaming bags of dog shit, etc.

He would describe what would happen if they continued their wicked ways, which would always end with them ending up living in a van down by the river. At this point he'd try and pull his trousers back towards his non-existent waistline and then continue, with all the fervour and sweat of the best televangelists.

In one of the later sketches, Farley admitted that first he threw eggs, then he threw back (some alcohol, I can't remember which), then he threw up, then his parents threw him out, and now he lives in a van down by the river!

Personally I found it amusing, especially to mimic by standing as Farley did, and always followed it with a quick tug on my belt at both the front and back. I seem to remember him falling onto someone's coffee table in one sketch.

Carthag has advised me that Farley in fact jumps onto the coffee table while shouting at David Spade and Christina Applegate and you can imagine the rest... apparently this was preceded by a threat to move in with them.

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