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What am I doing lately?

Making masks.
This is extremely emotionally taxing drudgery. The pleasure of a sewing project, the exploration of trying different formats, fitting, alteration, re-fitting, re-patterning… I can't summon it for this. I get excited, happy when more elastic comes. When a new happy print fabric finally comes. But sitting down with the scissors is dreadful. I feel an inner tantrum coming on when I start cutting - What a waste! I could be using this for something else! Something much better! Plus I'm tired at night! It's for work so why do I have to do work for work after I leave work! -

I need the masks to be able to go to work. The whole point of the new fabric being happy was to make happy masks.
These pieces were never meant to be a quilt.

I've been using the Headspace phone app for a years on an inconsistent basis. I've been putting more effort in to create a routine and stay consistent, and I think it may be helping. I've always found that the act of meditating feels good while I'm doing it, and opening my eyes for that first vivid blue, the bluest sky I've ever seen, smelling the air again after coming back, the moments after standing up and looking around, this feels good.

Not every day is that good, sometimes the act of sitting still is itchy or antsy, sometimes boring, sometimes I don't feel like putting in the effort to focus and note, and sometimes I just don't think I have time. But a net good.

In the past it's been very hard to discern any lasting effect. Lately it feels like that is starting to change. I hope so.

A lot of apps and programs that have subscription fees (like Headspace and Calm) have made some intro material available for free right now, or are waiving fees for people in Healthcare or those who have lost their jobs, etc. A marketing grab maybe, but still a good time to try it if you’ve been curious.

I recently watched Duncan Trussell and Pendleton Ward's new animated show, Midnight Gospel on Netflix. This will make you feel funny. Not for kids. And a pretty large content warning for themes of death, mourning, birth, transcendence. Oh and drugs. Like a lot of drugs.

I have such a soft spot for Duncan Trussell, and seeing the show prompted me to go back to his podcast, which I am hugely enjoying again, to the point that I really regret stopping in the first place.

The show takes previously recorded interviews for Trussell's podcast and sets them in an animated realm of bizarre and fantastical settings. The backdrop is both dreamlike and nightmarish.

Each episode has a narrative thread, playing out exclusively in the visual, as the protagonist Clancy (Trussell) enters a simulation to fly to a strange planet full of variously damaged sentient inhabitants. Upon landing, Clancy latches on to some rando, and interviews them for his space-cast? Space.. Podcast? Trussell's take is consistently earnest, always challenging the weekly guest to go one layer deeper.

The last episode is hard, an interview with Trussell's mother, recorded a short time before her death of bone cancer. The dynamic between them is just pure love and honesty. The feelings are palpable, raw and moving. The episode is frankly beautiful, with stunning moments of music and animation even when the dialog falls silent in a few moments.
The themes of entire season lead up to this, like a journey to the pinnacle of feeling which is unconditional love and shattering loss.


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