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A dark children's nursery rhyme.

Mr. Vonderbeck's Machine

Away out in the forest,
There lived a mean old man
His name was Mr. Vonderbeck
And he could surely plan.

All the neighbors' cats and dogs
Were always at his feet,
So he invented a machine
That turned them all to meat.

Hey, Mr. Vonderbeck,
How could you be so mean?
I told you you'd be sorry
for inventing that machine!

Now all the neighbors' cats and dogs
Will nevermore be seen
They've all been ground to sausages
In Vonderbeck's Machine!

One day a little Dutch Boy
Came walking in the store,
He bought a pound of sausages
And laid them on the floor.

He then began to whistle,
He whistled up a tune,
And all the little sausages
They danced around the room!


One night, the thing got busted -
The darned thing wouldn't go!
So Vonderbeck, he crawled inside
To see what made it so.

His wife, she had a nightmare,
And walking in her sleep,
She gave the crank
A heck of a yank,
And Vonderbeck was meat!

Chorus, first verse only

Comments: My uncle used to sing this to me and my brothers and cousins. When my mother wasn't around, he would change the words "darned thing" and "heck of a yank" to "damned thing" and "HELL of a yank!" We would collapse in paroxysms of childish laughter.

Also see the very similar version, Johnny Verbeck.

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