This is a personal story companion to my node on Achluophobia.
When I was younger, I suffered from a not entirely consistent fear of the dark. Some days it was hardly noticeable and others it required that the light remain on at all times.
I do not recall exactly when things began to change and the fear lost its power over me. At some point, my fears began to fade. Along the way though, some truly weird things happened. I'm not even sure how much of that was my imagination, my brain doing a weird one, or something actually spooky.
Perfectly normal childhood darkness fear
As a small child I suffered from what I imagine is the average amount of fear of the dark. Unable to see exactly what was going on when the light was off, my brain was more than happy to start making stuff up.
Fortunately, my mother introduced me to reading quite young. As a result, I was frequently too busy reading by the light of the lamp next to my bed for fear to get a word in edgeways.
Like most youngsters, my friends and I tried to get to watch various horror movies that were probably not good for me. On the whole, they seemed so silly that I was unaffected. Or at least thought I was which, as a child, seems like the same thing.
That said, there were some that stuck around. Those were times when I avoided the dark.
The religouse bit
I was still at school when this happened. Maybe eleven or twelve. I don't remember exactly as it was more than half my life ago.
I had travelled to London to stay for a few days with a family member. They lived as part of a Christian community house whose inhabitants were really into casting out demons. It had been decided that I was in need of some casting out of demons.
I kept my doubts - of which I had many - to myself. However, the issue they were trying to help me with (in their own way) was very real. I was, despite hitting double figures still an occasional bed wetter. A problem of which I was greatly ashamed.
These exorcists had decided that I was troubled by a spirit of fear. There is a Bible passage that starts, "God has not given you a spirit of fear..." Therefore, it must have been the other guy. So I was put down for some prayer therapy.
The really wierd thing
I was required to fast the day before the whole casting out of fear bit. That was no biggie for me. We did that sort of thing at church back home too. Also, I was a dorky kid easily distracted from noticing that I was hungry. That's how all-night binges of gaming work, right?
That night, as I tried to fall asleep on a sofa, I saw stuff. Proper horror movie stuff.
If you recall, I had given my brain plenty to work with and the talk of demons just topped up the tank. I was tired, a little hungry, and not quite comfortable enough to go right to sleep.
I saw - actually saw while awake and everything - deformed and ugly creatures on the ceiling. A reaper-like being at the foot of my bed. It was hacking away at where my feet were. I felt unable to move. Frozen in fear.
Yes, I was frightened. More than I ever had been. The funny thing is I always kind of enjoyed my occasional nightmares - they are horror movies that I get to star in.
It helped (somewhat) that I did not feel in any physical danger. I was pretty sure that if I could just go to sleep, everything would be fine. After all, the preachers always said stuff about the devil being unable to harm God's children.
This is why - as a good Christian child - I prayed to ask God for sleep. Right now. With maximum urgency, please.
The next thing I know it was morning.
I got prayed over and the spirit of fear told was to go. I did not feel anything other than a little silly. But, I played a long and soon that was all over.
The odd thing
Admittedly, I was on some medication for the whole bed-wetting thing but I never did have another wet night after that.
I did, however, have a much more pronounced fear of the dark.
How my fears finally lost
My fear of the dark did not suddenly end. It sort of faded over time.
Some factors may have helped my fear of the dark fade.
Like most boys, I was interested in spies, adventure, and all that action stuff. I discovered that I was fantastic at walking silently. Like really good at it. Which delighted young me who imagined he could have adventures as a spy with those skills. Sneaking up on people was too easy.
That did not help with my fear but this next thing joined with my sneaking skills and that did help.
I discovered that (with a little mental effort) I had a reliable 3D internal model of my environment. I could navigate my bedroom and the house where I lived with my eyes closed. It was easy.
If I could do that eyes closed, I could do that lights off. It is hard to be frightened of the dark when you are enjoying acting like the ultimate stealth hero.
I grew comfortable walking around familiar places with the lights off. It felt like my superpower. This was great for me but not so much for others.
After moving out of home, I scared the crap out of the people I shared accommodation with. I'd not bother with lights when going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. If one of them turned on the light, there was a person strolling about barefoot that they had not expected. Seeing a grown man startled like that was hysterical to me. I think I took no-lights walks more often just because it was so funny.
I may have given one housemate a fear of the dark. Or at least a fear of me in the dark.
I still have a natural proficiency bonus to stealth. I still occasionally make other people jump when I just don't bother to use the light switch. I still find it funny.
So what did happen to my fear of the dark? I think it just gave way as my critical thinking skills grew. There has never been a repeat of that seeing things episode. I rarely think about it unless I am writing horror fiction - childhood fears and night terrors are a deep mine of great ideas for scary stories.
To cut a long story short, I cannot fear the thing going bump in the night because it is usually me.