1. He feeds me in the screen porch. It is my screen porch.
  2. I am in my box because the box is in my porch.
    • He put the box in my porch.
    • He finds is amusing that I am in the box.
    • He wants to take the box for some reason. I tell him it is my box now.
    • The box is just big enough for me to see out of. I glare out of it at him.
    • He thinks this is a joke but it is my box. He sits in the chair to drink the drink.
  3. He thinks it is his chair. It is not his chair.
    • I can see none of his fur on the chair, I can see my fur on the chair. It is my chair.
    • The chair is in the screen porch. He is rarely in the screen porch. He visits me in the screen porch. It is my chair.
  4. He brings cups of things out to drink but he does not want me to drink from them.
    • He does not understand that this is my screen porch. He puts drinks on the table.
    • The table is in my screen porch. His cups are on my table, in my screen porch.
    • Sometimes the cup contains milk. He feeds me in my screen porch. The milk should be for me.
    • When I try to drink my milk he makes noises at me as though I understand or care.
  5. He does not always bring me the food that I want.
    • He has wet food and dry food. I want the wet food.
    • He always puts out the dry food. I stand by the bowl and tell him I want wet food. He does not listen.
    • I smell the dry food. It smells like mouse bones and dust. Perhaps it is enough to take a morsel to stave off certain starvation.
    • It tastes like stale mouse bones. I take more because I am going to die otherwise.
    • He puts out the wet food. I eat the wet food and leave the dry food. Then I tell him I want more wet food.
    • He makes more noises.
  6. He sits with a cup of drink. I need attention.
    • He always rubs my head. I want my cheeks rubbing. I especially want the left cheek rubbing more.
    • I put my paws on his leg because he does not deserve my whole furry self.
    • He rubs my left cheek and I can fall asleep.
    • Just as I am getting comfortable he leaves. He takes the cup.
  7. It is now morning and it is cold. My ribs are poking through my fur and I have not had my cheeks scratched for an eternity.
    • He comes with a drink and the dry food.
    • He sits in my chair in my screen porch. He smells of warm.
    • He does not listen when I tell him about my starved state or my ribs.
    • I remind him that cats were revered as gods in ancient Egypt.
    • I tell him that there was a reason witches kept cats as familiars.
    • I summon up all the evil from my thirteen years and glower at him.
    • He gives me some wet food.
    • This is why he does not deserve my warm self on his whole lap.
  8. I continue to plot against him. It makes me happy. I make my happy noise.
    • He seems to like the happy noise.
    • He scratches my left ear and cheek.
    • He drinks the drink and goes back into the warm house. He leaves the box.
    • I will allow him another day.



I swear I will never try to format a writeup like this again. One wrong move with <li> or </li> and it all goes horribly wrong.

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