I found a penny in a snowbank.
I feel like
puking, and it's not the
booze. We are all just fucking
animals. Underneath the thin
veneer of society, that’s all we are. Just looking at the
barkeep, I feel the
bile crawl up my throat. I could
kill him before he knew what was going on. Just whip the
service revolver up from the holster under my coat and
plug him right in the head. But I won't. I have my
humanity. What a fucked up name for that
little voice that says stop. How can you be a human without it? Somehow, some
creature goes for groceries, pays its
rent and lives within the
lines until it decides to ignore the
voice of reason. You choose to do what he did. That's what makes me sickest of all. I can choose to stop listening too. I can
hunt him down and
kill him for making me see these things. Fucking animals.
It was dirty and scratched.
My shift started with the
call.
Alley behind the public library, across the street from that church. You were
frozen stiff.
Blood turns a
weird color in
snow. You can tell if it was warm when it fell. Snowcones still make me sick. Somebody did this in a
rush, huh Penny? Tell me who did it. Just
crack your lips one last time and give me a name. Glassy eyed stares are all I ever get. The
fist closes on my heart again. It's too much. I have to become an
animal to catch him Penny. I'm sorry. I'll cry when it’s done.
1 Cent, 1978.
Tell me your story Penny. Did you know the
animal? Did he say
sweet things to you? Did you take
candy from his hairy paw? Did you even understand? How could you? You were a person. You tried to be like him Penny. I see you tried. The blood wasn't all yours. Your
nails are busted all to hell. Your voice killed you Penny. You didn't
snuff him out before he got you. The
law of the jungle was dead to you. It’s not your fault Penny. I'll do it for you. I'll make him
pay. I'll
cage him up forever and
tame him. I'll beat his animal
down and
break it. Then he'll meet his
Big Bad Wolf.
I put it in my pocket.
It's not like the
movies Penny.
Dignity dies with that last breath. All that’s left is
meat. You didn't want to look the way you did. Nobody wanted
that Penny. It just wanted to
break something
beautiful. No music played for you Penny. It didn't rain. The most
horrible thing I have ever seen happened on a
sunny spring day. It’s all so
unfair Penny. You're going to
rot in the ground and it’s free. Do you think anyone
loved him Penny? Do they know what he is?
It brings me good luck.
I'll get him Penny. I'll make him
pay. I'll show him
justice exists. Man is more than him. I'll teach him the higher
truths,
grind his nose in the mess he made. I'll
judge him for you Penny. I just need
one more to put the
fire back in my
belly. I need to get him Penny. I can't let him
go. To you
Penny.