Itinerant musician, with relatives all over the place. But he isn't too keen on seeing them. They find out, after the fact (gee, thanks, mum!), that the aforementioned muso was in town, or at least in the county...

My aunt: "You were in Philadelphia? Why didn't you come see us?"

"Well, we were kinda busy..."

Translation: I still look like mug shots of a Motörhead roadie, and I didn't feel like getting another lecture from you about my appearance.

My cousin: "You were in Richmond? Why didn't you come see us?"

"Well, we had a tight schedule..."

Translation: We were freaked out when the cops searched the van for dope, and got the hell out of town ASAP.

Another aunt: "You were in New York?"

"We were only there long enough to do the gig..."

Translation: An overenthusiatic fan gave me two hits of acid after the gig, and the drummer and I tripped until it was time to leave town.

I then bribed my mother to keep schtum about my travels; she said it would cost extra to get her to stop reminding me about how much my college education cost her. Negotiations continued...

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