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Perhaps redneck is not too appropriate, most rednecks have never been out of their home counties, never mind country. However, this particular group spoke with a very distinct Louisiana drawl, and their behavior wasn't too civilized either, so I'll just call them rednecks.

Back a while back when China didn't have any McDonald's or trademark American fast food outlets (it wasn't too long ago, KFC has been around for years but not the golden arches), I was sitting in Guangzhou in a pseudo-McDonald's, a cheap Chinese ripoff, sipping a large coke, enjoying the air conditioning and waiting for my parents, who were out paying their respects to the dead spirits of our ancestors.

All of a sudden, this fat yokel comes tumbling in, his face completely red in the heat of summer, followed by his equally fat wife, and two fat brats that were whining at an obnoxious volume about the lack of American food. The guy was wearing a bad Hawaiian shirt, a bowling hat, and had a large camera hanging around his neck. Atypical American tourist, and as expected, he was muttering about how you can't find a decent American meal in China. Jesus, you people are in China, eat some Chinese food! Anyways, the store I was sitting in sold decent Western food, but it didn't matter to this redneck. He whipped out a phrasebook, then spoke in very fractured Chinese:

"Where can I find the nearest McDonald's?"

"Sir, there are no McDonald's in Guangzhou. They are building one now, but it isn't open yet."

The fool stumbled backwards as if he just got slapped in the face. His kids started bitching to the mother, who was telling them to "shut up or you won't get any food today". They saw my stupid grin (indeed, everyone in the fast food joint was cracking up by now), since my dress denoted me as a fellow foreigner, they started pleading to me for help in locating some decent food.

"Maybe you should try some Chinese food. You are in China, after all."

"My kids want a Big Mac. The Chinese food makes my stomach hurt, it is too oily."

At this point I started chuckling inside. As if their Southern cuisine is not oily enough. And besides, Cantonese cuisine is known for its lack of oils. Hehehe, what a fool.

"Well, then I can't help you. The nearest McDonald's in China is probably in Hong Kong. There are a few in Shanghai and Beijing, but that's a tad far away."

He thanked me for my help, then announced to his family that they were all going to Shanghai. The kids continued to moan about the lack of an immediate Big Mac as the mum dragged them out of the restaurant. All the Chinese folk started to laugh as soon as they left. Oh, what a riot.

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