It has recently come to my attention that there is a
dangerous threat
to the ecology of the world's oceans. As we all know,
plankton is the
most important form of life in the
ocean. These tiny creatures are at
the base of all the
food chains. Any threat to these creatures threatens
the
viability of not only all life in the oceans, but ultimately all
life on the
planet. Therefore, I call on you all to make others aware
of this
danger so that we can avert it before it is too late.
The danger is, of course,
whales. Whales swim around blithely eating
jillions of plankton every hour, with no thought as to the long-term
consequences of their actions. Did you know that the average plankton-
eating whale will consume 40 jillion plankton, every
hour of every day?
At this
rate, all of the plankton in the world's oceans will be
totally consumed in
approximately 42 years. Once the plankton is all
gone, the
chemical balance of the oceans will be irreversibly upset,
leading to
massive pollution, rapid buildup of atmospheric carbon
dioxide, huge increase in the
greenhouse effect, and ultimately,
extinction of all life on the planet.
And the danger is not limited to the
planktonivorous whales. The
fish-eating whales also spend a lot of
time swimming around with
their mouths open, as they have to let
water in to their mouths
so that it can pass over their
gills so that they can breathe.
Zillions of
plankton are slaughtered by these whales, and the
whales do not even want to kill the plankton! They do it by
accident!
So, by now you are probably wondering what you can do to help
our planktonic friends? Well it is quite simple,
whales must
be exterminated. Lobby your government to reinstate whaling
in your country (unless you live in an
enlightened country
like
Japan or
Norway), and start using whale products at
every
opportunity. Get hold of some plankton, and grow them
in a marine
aquarium in your house. *Note*: it is *vital*
that you do not allow any whales into your
plankton-sanctuary
aquarium, or your
planktonic buddies will be slaughtered
in their sleep!
So let our battle cry be heard:
"
Save the plankton!
Kill the whales!"
and let there be an end to the
senseless massacre of
the poor defenceless plankton,
lifeblood of the oceans.
Well I gotta go and get me a
whale burger.