Why would you write if you don't want anyone to read what you've written? I've been thinking about why I write, it's a compulsion, something I do, a habit, a passion, a hobby, entertainment, a way to release emotions, I write to get things out of my head. Even if nobody ever read what I've written I would still write, I write for me. Today was pretty good all things considered. I really love two of the women I work with, they are just awesome. I'm going to Vegas and I don't want to be going. I'm in a relationship with someone who is extremely busy, lives in another state, and doesn't call me. My aunt thinks he is selfish and I should find someone who lives closer to me that I can go out and do things with, I think she's right, I'm hanging onto to someone who isn't committing much. I really like him, but is it time to part ways?
I went to the DMV to reinstate my license and registration privileges. I can't explain how helpless I feel when I interact with my ex. I have the power, my therapist is always reminding me of this. But it doesn't seem as if I have the power when he tries to manipulate me. There's a guy at work I could ask out, he's quite a bit younger than I am, maybe we wouldn't be the best couple, perhaps he wouldn't even go out with me, I'm curious. I want to be held, I want to hold hands and kiss someone else, I would like to go for walks, sit next to them at a meal, hang out with them on the couch, hear about their day, give them a hug when they're feeling down, and I would really like to get laid again, but that's far from my main problem.
My place is a mess, it's not a terrible mess, it wouldn't take long to tidy, but I don't want to get rid of some of the things I'm hanging onto so I'm leaving it the way that it is for now. Tomorrow is another day at work, it was crazy today. We had to put up sale signs which takes hours because our system is ancient and the company can get by with paying people very low wages because we are replacable. I need to slow down when I'm at work. My mind races, I forget things, I rush, and then I don't do the job that I could and should. Perhaps people would understand how intense the job can be if they could be there for a day, see what needs to be done, and realize the manpower it would take to accomplish everything.
The person in charge of marketing fired off a snotty email after our department requested a sign. There are people who work hard and others who avoid work. Sometimes I stand and stare at shelves, when I do this I'm taking a snapshot of what's there, cutting pieces off, and mentally rearranging what's there to see if we can come up with a smarter, better, more profitable way to display items. The other day I came in and saw a note with two rows of toothpaste. Someone else had left a job that they could have done for me to do. My boss ended up rearranging the shelves that this person didn't. Things like that make me angry. My boss works amazingly hard, she needs breaks she doesn't get and that's not fair, but she does it to herself at times.
My friend and I worked very hard to get the protein powders out, priced correctly, and we were able to reposition things so more inventory was displayed on the sales floor. Maybe it looked like we were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, we were because we didn't know that we were heading into a pricing problem. Every day we find mistakes that hurt our bottom line. The effort we put into things isn't always tied to money. But when I leave I have the good feeling that my hard work accomplished something. I have good ideas and I'm able to do my own thing for the most part. When we were doing returns we put a lot of things up in the break room for people to grab.
By the time I left there was one product sitting there. People grab whatever they want without thinking of others. They swoop down like vultures. It's a good reminder of what I don't want to be. Free stuff is an interesting phenomenon at work. Few realize the impact to our bottom line. They want to help themselves first, they can't see the broader picture. Sometimes I get caught up in this trap as well. Update - I picked a few things up and put them away. I made a pile of my bills, set up my aromatherapy diffusers, and reminded myself that I have many things to be thankful for like the fact that the DMV employee I was working with was able to push my requests through even though the computers were not processing other requests. I miss taking baths and having chlorine free water, but I'm happy to be here. It's starting to feel like home.
Praying this finds you well,
P.S. Read through the shampoo writeups we have here. Thinking of writing up some of the products I use and enjoy. Also, how is DMV still a nodeshell?