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So you think you're computer-illiterate?  Check out the
following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by Jim
Carton --

 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
    "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking
     where the "Any" key is.

 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse
    was hard to control with the dust cover on.  The cover turned
    out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man
    complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files
    from his old diskettes.  After trouble- shooting for magnets
    and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the
    customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the
    typewriter to type the labels.

 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
    diskettes.  A few days later a letter arrived from the customer
    along  with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

 5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled
    floppy back in the drive and close the door.  The customer
    asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone
    down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his

 6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his
    computer to fax anything.  After 40 minutes of
    trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying
    to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
    screen and hitting the "send" key.

 7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so
    a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead.  "Yeah, I got
    me a couple of friends, "the customer replied.  When told
    Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you
    meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

 8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard
    no longer worked.  He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with
    soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then
    removing all the keys and washing them individually.

 9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was
    enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an
    invalid".  The tech explained that the computer's "bad command"
    and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

 10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't
     get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the
     computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened
     when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and
     pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot
     pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

 11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her
     brand-new computer wouldn't work.  She said she unpacked the
     unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for
     something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed
     the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

 12.  True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
      Caller:        "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

      Tech Rep:      "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

      Caller:        "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am
                      within my warranty period. How do I go about
                      getting that fixed?"

      Tech Rep:      "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

      Caller:        "Yes, it's attached to the front of my

      Tech Rep:      "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped,
                      it's because I am. Did you receive this as
                      part of a promotional, at a trade show? How
                      did you get this cup holder? Does it have
                      any trademark on it?"

      Caller:        "It came with my computer, I don't know anything
                      about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

      At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because
      he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load
      drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it
      off the drive!

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