I am not myself, if that's what you would like to hear, to believe but you know that this me is simply a creation
of sorts. Your creation.. I didn't mean to be this way, I guess I don't care anymore. You laugh when I tell you that I've changed
because you think that perhaps there is no way that I might have, in your absence
, found some sort of happiness.. enlightenment?
You've said you don't expect forgiveness, or trust, but you won't admit why you know these things are not among that which you deserve. (If you deserve
anything at all, from me..)
Sometimes I like to write with my eyes closed
and my mind turned off. It produces interesting results and I tend to think that it would mean more if I were to be thinking of the way your breath felt on my face just then. I used to think that I knew.. you, your ways, but perhaps I knew them too well for my own good because I would not believe anything that I told myself. Why did you lie to me, like that? I would have made it through, you know.. without the lies, and the residual hurt
might have been not quite so painful.
My dead end dreaming
, that's what they call it, but I don't believe that it will never bring anything to me. I don't want it to, anyway, I simply want it to remind me that dreams exist
. If it weren't for my dreams I'd not have met this little human, or him
I could fall asleep, just now, let dreamland
become my new residence, at least temporarily. I'll resist though because I think perhaps that this train of thought is not out of steam..
I used to speak to you of fallen angels
and undying love, you loved it I know but I think that my words fell on deaf ears after a time. You'd decided, you.. that everything would be best left to rest at your convenience
. Remember, how I used to hold you and promise to be, for you.. I wish you wouldn't hurt me so, but I'm quite sure you wouldn't know what else to do now, so familiarity will win again, over me. When did you say you'd return? Sometimes I pretend you answer that with my feelings in mind, foolish of me
, I know..
fall on me, fall on me..