Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane #111
Publication Date: July 1971
Script: Robert Kanigher
Pencils: Werner Roth
Inks: Vince Coletta

The cover displays a bikini-clad, sleeping Lois Lane being tied down by a miniature version of the Justice League. Much like the famed picture of Gulliver, only with even more fetish potential. If you are looking at an issue of "Super Man's Girlfriend, Lois Lane", you should be prepared for some insane Silver Age plot, and if you are looking at this cover, you should know that it is about to get turned up to 11.

Our story begins with Lois Lane going to the beach for a day of relaxation. Little does she know that that relaxation will involve tiny versions of the Justice League of America tying her up with "anesthetic twine", during which time they drip some type of quasi-kryptonite poison on her lips. During all of this, Lois languidly dreams, a "MMMMMMMM" escaping from her unconscious lips that I assume must have been meant to incite the puerile thoughts of the 1971's adolescent readership, since it certainly got mine going. Also, the mini-JLA manage to explain that they are actually clones created by Darkseid. Because this is a post-Kirby Silver Age, which makes the insane goings on more high concept, which is to say insane. After doing this, they free Lois, and the story continues.

In 1971, the story had a few bows to the social relevancies. Thus, along with the insane plot, we find Lois Lane interviewing some Puerto Rican mothers, and talking about the plight of endangered species. Lois Lane is not just a pretty girl who types "I LOVE SUPERMAN!" 12 times over on a sheet of paper. No, she is also, like Steven Seagal much later, Out For Justice. Thus, in the middle of this story, we are presented with this quote:

Por Dios, Senorita! We all want to help make a better life for our familes! But unless we have day centers to care for our muchachos...children...we cannot go to work!
You're telling it like it is!
Fortunately we don't have too much time to deal with this, sense an armored car shows up, which Lois somehow psychically knows is full of gangsters, which a passing Superman quickly dispatches. This is repeated soon after, because while giving a speech about endangered species, a statue of some endangered animals turn out to be robots, which Lois is also psychically aware of, and after Superman dispatches them, he is so taken with Lois' newly developed Spider-Sense that he kisses her.

Are you still with me? Because this is where it gets really weird. Superman is driven insane by the previously-applied poison on Lois' lips, and starts smashing stuff. Luckily, the mini-clone JLA is back at Lois' apartment (where she apparently goes and rests for several hours while an insane Superman is rampaging through the city), and they explain the entire plot to her. But they won't have the last laugh, since The Project has dispatched a counter-army of miniature Lois Lane clones to fight off the mini-JLA. And they have planned ahead: they gave one of them yellow gloves so she could punch out mini-Green Lantern. Inside of a few panels, they defeat the mini-Clone JLA, demadden Superman, and we are left with Lois Lane and Superman holding hands in the park.

Having described this, I don't really know what else I can add to it. It is just as ridiculous and amusing as it sounds, and if anything, I left out so many details that would make the story even more ridiculous. And this is just one of many: every issue of Lois Lane probably topped the last in the confusion and contrivity of its plot.

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