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This alcoholic beverage is totally apocryphal. (It may be the world's only apocryphal beverage for all I know.) I heard about it in a luxury hotel in Kishinev, which the capital of the Republic of Moldova, a former Soviet Republic. Actually, a drunken Russian told me about it. It's supposed to have been created in the Russian Army when the Vodka ran out, by a group of enterprising Tank Battalion Fighters. Apparently, these were infamous for their Bachannalian Debauchery. So, if you're stuck in Afganhistan with nothing but some outdated Soviet equipment between you and the Mujahadeen and you're dying for the sauce, here's what you do.

1. Get some antifreeze out of the Tank. (No, I don't believe it either. But I'm telling it to you the way it was told to me.).


2. Pour the antifreeze through anything glutinous. The best filter is apparently rye bread. However, it is also possible to use gruel, mashed potatoes, or anything which has starch in it.

3. Mix whatever makes it through the starchy filter with water, about 10% former antifreeze to 90% water.

4. Add in dirt. Yes, dirt. Just go get some dirt from somewhere (if you've resorted to this there's going to be plenty of it wherever it is you are) and add it to the mixture.


5. Cheers! Please note that although there is a possibility that a Russian infantryman would drink such a conconction I am assuming that this would quickly kill any Westerner stupid enough to try it. If you insist nevertheless, tell the Paramedics that come to pick you up that you want Gastric Lavage. And don't send the bill to me. I warned. you.

P.S. The real reason this is interesting is the name. A "Kosmomol Girl" is sort of the female youth group communist version of an Eagle Scout. (No offense meant to Eagle Scouts}. They were theoretically known for their pure devotion to communist ideals, their sobriety and their ability to imbue the masses with revolutionary virtue. They were actually known for their ability to drink and screw a military corporal under the table - at least in certain parts of the Soviet Union. Hence, the legendary antifreeze drink is named after their alcoholic tears. It's stuff like this that sort of makes you miss the Evil Empire.

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