Preacher
Those who would be
thinner, repeat after me:
All
Oh
chocolate, which art in boxes,
Temptation be thy name.
Though
cravings come, my will be
strong, at home as it is in cafes.
Give me this day my daily carrot, and forgive me my
abstinence,
As I forgive those who scoff in front of me.
Lead me not into
confectioners, and deliver me from bakeries,
For sweet are the pastries, the cookies and the
toffee,
Forever denied me,
Amen.
At this point, the congregation will break down in heart-rending sobs.