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Say, for example, that you like this girl/guy. You two hang out a lot, and can talk about anything. Pretty soon, you guys are sitting up in her/his room, making out while Gremlins is playing in the VCR. Life seems good.

Then, you two take a short walk, and you find out that she/he has the exact same feelings for you. Pretty soon, you’re kissing again, and afterwards, you ask her/him out. And…they say yes. SCORE! Life seems flawless!

Until reality hits you in the face with a brick.

Later on, you talk to him/her, and they say that she/he wants to keep the relationship a secret, because she’s/he’s part of that terrifically wonderful “In Crowd”, the people that you may not get along with very well. She’s/He’s afraid that if anyone finds out, she’ll/he’ll lose her/his so called “friends”, the popular “friends” that don’t like you and taunt you behind your back for kicks. Also, they may not go right out and say it, but being with you might cause their social status to be knocked down to your level.

It’s all just a nice way of saying that they’re ashamed to be seen with you.

So, they suggest that a secret relationship is in order. You willingly agree, because at this point, you’re so head over heels that you’d do anything for the person. So, the charade begins. Days go on, followed by weeks, and if you’re extremely patient, months. Then you finally get a clue. You hate not being able to kiss the person in public, or tell them that you love them, or hold their hand. It drives you insane.

So, you propose the idea that the secret relationship shouldn’t be such a secret anymore. Chances are, she/he will give you a song and dance about how they have to think about it. They do, and you try to persuade them that their REAL friends won’t care who they’re going out with, and that they’ll accept you for who you are, and except their friend, your girl/boyfriend, is happy with being with someone like you.

But still, she/he won’t listen. You give them the ulterior motive that the relationship can either be public, or it can be nothing at all. Another period of waiting, and then, there’s the 98% chance that the most terrible combined six words of the English language are spoken to you. The words that have ruined lives, the words that nobody EVER wants to hear, aside from “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”…

We can still be friends, right?

That, my friends, will lead to heartache, which is why you should try as hard as humanly possible to avoid secret relationships. Take it from someone with experience. If anyone has the positive side to secret relationships, node on.

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