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Instrumental song by the now defunct band Ben Folds Five.

Originally used only to open up their shows (It has quite an attention-grabbing sound), it later appeared on the Spare Reels video, the Sessions at West 54th DVD, and was finally released with a string section as a b-side to "Army", which was released on the band's final CD The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner. There is no Doctor Pyser, and the song was never written for it: "Pyser" is swedish for penis, and everything else was just made up.

The actual song varies slightly with each recording, but always opens with two measures of octaves.

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