It's a given that she's not for you, not with the way she is and the way you are.
It's a given that many of the dreams you've chosen, particularly the ones you want the most, probably won't come true. You started with too little, too late, and even though these are the ingredients of every good dream, luck has never been a particularly generous friend to you.
It's a given that the things you love doing the most may be your biggest mistakes.
But it's safe to assume you never had a choice in these things, that the choice was made for you long before it came to the point of making a decision. The first time you sat down and wrote about her, the first time you woke up with something to do in your life that truly mattered, that's when she got away, that's when you just couldn't make it happen. That's when everything ended before it began. You weren't supposed to love her, put her on a pedestal, wish for anything more than a friendly hello. You weren't supposed to want something bigger than yourself. But you did, or you do.
You might not believe in fate but some decisions are made for you. You wouldn't have it any other way.