Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Everything
2
Tips for writing an English teacher-approved classic
(
idea
)
by
SophiesCat
Thu Jul 13 2000 at 3:27:18
Actual plot creating ability is not important,
Shakespeare
took most of his plots from history or other people.
Philosophical reflections on
war
,
revenge
,
death
,
life
, etc., on the other hand are essential. Look at
Hamlet
basically a whole play about a character debating with himself over whether or not to act, providing tons of opportunities for the characters to lapse into
soliloquies
on war, death, action,
identity
, etc.
The more things that can be interpreted for
symbolism
(regardless of whether the symbolism was intended) the better. English teachers love to take simple objects, characters names, weather, the light in a room, the lack or presence of a semi-colon, whatever and use it to show how the book has 15 more
shades of meaning
than it appears to have to any normal reader.
Use
fancy language
. By fancy language I mean pay attention to your style and sentence structure.
English teacher
s get really excited when they can point to stylistic differences between authors.
Avoid happy, funny or
light hearted subject matter
. Somewhere along the line it has been decided that anything too happy cannot possibly have literary value.
Avoid genre fiction, especially
children's literature
,
fantasy
or
romance
. If you want to write fantasy call it
fantastical
, or
magic realism
, and avoid any mention of
wizard
s in flowery robes, or
dragon
s. If you want to write romances find some suitable literary term like
gothic novel
to hide behind.
Appropriate subject matter for a classic is historical fiction (generally related to war and heroes), as long as it is based on historical facts, and no hint of fantasy creeps in to spoil it. Other appropriate subjects/themes are the
Individual vs. Society
,
Individual vs. Nature
, the
meaning (or lack of meaning) to the universe
or any other similar major
literary theme
.
Do not be afraid to steal blatantly from other classics that have gone before you.
Dante
and
Virgil
did. In fact at least three references to great literary works or the
bible
are essential. English teachers seem to take such references as a clear sign that you are intelligent, and this sort of references appeal to their own intellectual elitism. (its like having special
inside jokes
with your friends.) If you do not actually know things to quote from try sticking a thematically appropriate quote from one of the various quote books out there. Along the same lines occasional phrases in
Latin
or other for language can also serve to highlight your education.
Archetype
s are good. They not only provide symbolism, they tie the work into other great literary works. They all enable the English teacher to go on about how your character is the prototypical human, and how much they tell us about humanity. (Note for this to really work your character has to be an adult, white christian (or religion-less) straight male, otherwise they will just be a prototypical woman figure, child figure, minority figure, etc.)
Ideally you will break one of these rules just enough to pull off something new and original, like a new literary movement, new type of literary format, or new style, but not enough that you will stray into genre fiction or alienate the sensibilities of the English teachers by being too radical.
Is literary experience inversely proportional to literary taste?
A funny thing happened to me in the parking garage today
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English major
archetype
Creative writing
autoharp
The fact that you make no sense doesn't mean you're an artist
Alice in Chains
Eragon
Gothic novel
Conspiracy Theory: Black Helicopters
grammar pet peeves
The Autumn of the Patriarch
How to Write a Generic Fantasy Novel
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