A man in a nice pair of slacks or a Brooks Brothers suit is wonderful to see. We think of leading men like Rock Hudson, Tony Danza, George Clooney, Laurence Oliver, Jimmy Stewart, and others and we get hard, do we not? As men, this is normal in a very normative way. But a nude man is even better. It cuts to the chase and you get the prize you always wanted all those years ago when your father punched you in the face for Christmas before taking a tire iron to your mother instead of giving you a toy. We need to know in tough situations such as that unnecessarily (and potentially offensive) graphic example that toys are still available (and reasonably priced unless they come from China).

In 1970, in response to the hateful hippie ideology that preached getting in line and doing what you are told, Arthur Doninger began Totally Nude Man's Magazine for Men. It was a real difference maker and according to an entry in the appendixes to The Anals of History (a book that definitely does not promote a hateful ideology - although it heavily, heavily favors random pograms). Arthur "I Hate Hateful Hippies" Donninger became known from that point forward as Totally Nude Man.

At the unveiling of the first issue in October of 1970 (a DAMN good time to sport an erection in public as a way of snubbing your nose at spiteful hippies and their spiteful hippie nonsense), Arthur Donninger said, "I am Totally Nude Man and THIS is my magazine for MEN!" It was a warm and wonderful event in the anals of the history of straight white men in America (aka The Anals of History). Wonderful time to be alive (and I was).

This groundbreaking event in advancing the cause of modern literature and the fine arts was not only a collection of wonderfully written articles about the experience of being a totally nude man in a totally repressive hippie world, it also became the first magazine to show nothing but photographs of totally nude men in casual everyday poses looking at pictures of totally nude women. This made this a totally straight white man's magazine because it touches on so many themes popular with totally straight white men in the 1970s and carrying over easily into the modern day (2010s would be the current decade - write this down in your book of new learnings you have received from everything2 brand website - I suggest getting a monthly planner for these as everything2 brand website is open for new learning experiences TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY - that is correct - those figures are PER DAY).

When I hung out at the Straight White Men's Cultural Center in Baltimore before it was raided by the FBI for suspected involvement in a metric shitload of federal crimes, these magazines were left lying out in the open. This is not advised unless you do not have youngsters around. Youngsters are not ready for the new learnings available from Totally Nude Man's Magazine for Men. It just wouldn't be right to expose them to photographs of a guy sitting on the toilet looking at a Miley Cyrus video on his "Smartphone." As the photos in the spread advance we see his big, knobby hand wrap around his husky man sausage and begin to "take it out for a stretch" (Internet kiddie speak).

That topic is now closed. It leads in wrong directions. Enough said.

I once proposed to the Board of Directors of one of my former front companies the idea of sexual recreation. I called it "Sexcreation" and it involved an island where everyone would feel compelled to have sex with you. This idea never got off the ground, but it needs to be noted that this is an unrelated topic and this paragraph needs to be omitted from the final draft.

After more than two decades of tasteful photos of husky hands wrapped around meaty man sausages with panels showing those same men looking at photographs and videos of mostly naked women, Arthur died and no one picked up the mantle. It has now been more than 25 years since it ceased operations and I am seeking to start it again.

What I will need from you is not money, but Polaroid photos (as they are the best quality and those we always popular in the magazine) of you looking at pictures of mostly naked women while you are totally nude and in a casual, everyday pose (such as cutting the grass, making lemonade, pretending to be a cowboy). Multiple shots that "tell a story" are recommended. I will also need your full name, address, telephone number, where you work, their phone number, name of your immediate supervisor and head of your company, name of your church and a number where the staff there can be reached.

I hope you will join me on the launch of the all new Totally Nude Man's Magazine for Men. 

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