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I propose that we create a project to retrain birds living in urban environments so they can sing real bird song again. The effort would be called the Urban Bird Song Retraining Project. Birds living in cities (at least most of the ones in the USA I've visited) usually sing their song based on some variant of a car-alarm noise pattern. This project would place loudspeaker systems on the tops of urban buildings playing bird song to remind the poor damned birds what they should really sound like.

This problem of urban bird song stems from the fact that birds, hearing car alarms, thought the noise was being created by a really huge (and probably really ugly)bird they couldn't see, but felt they had to compete with. The car alarms played often enough to imprint the birds because during the horrible times, idiots thought that a blaring car alarm at 5:00 in the morning (caused simply by a garbage truck rolling past and shaking them) was somehow sexy and interesting, or maybe they thought that a car thief would be deterred by a blaring obnoxious horrible wretched noise that nobody ever bothered to investigate because the damn things were going off literally ALL THE TIME.

So the poor birds all sound like little car alarms when they sing to greet the dawn.

The speakers we place on the buildings would then slowly re-indoctrinate the birds to how they should really sound. We would have to go into the wild and record trhe bird song of the same breeds found in the city to get the best proper approximation (as all bird song is a little different, but hey) for the retraining. Then we can all sleep at night knowing we won't go to hell for making all the little birds sound like someone was trying to steal their radio.

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