Useful phrases while travelling abroad

Please feel free to correct my grammar and/or spelling; IANAL. (In this case, that stands for I am not a linguist) But I'm not going to bother putting in the proper accents because I have better ways to waste my time than figuring out where they go and how to type them.

In France: "Peut-etre je parle le francais mauvais, mais si ma pays n'ont pas combatiez dans le Deuxieme Guerre Mondiale, VOUS etiez alemaign." ("Perhaps I speak French badly, but if my country had not fought in World War II, YOU would be German").

In Germany: "Ich bin sehr durstig. Kann ich zwei Biere haben?" ("I am very thirsty. Can I have two beers?")

Anyplace in Latin America: "Usted ESO llama un autobus?" ("You call THAT a bus?")

If all else fails try
"Do you speak English?"
If this elicits little response then follow up with
"Do YOU speak ENGLISH"
Again, if confronted with a bemused look go further with
"DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH"

Try making signals with your hands whilst doing this, the appropriate signal being to extend your arm and pretend you have a glove puppet on the end of it which is talking.

Remember, the louder you speak and the more you gesticulate the more chance there is that you will communicate effectively.

The alternative is to take some time before visiting a country and try to learn a little of the local language, but thats just a whole lot of effort to go to in order to communicate with people who are obviously too lazy to learn English. Which of course everyone should do, not that you're a xenophobe or anything like that.